My really cool but lefty brother in law and wife are coming. I wonder what they’d make of all this. I probably won’t show them it though, as I said, I really do like them. They’re good people for all their politics.

What does Al Gore and his minions claim to hate? CO2. What do trees inhale? CO2. What do trees do with that CO2? Make trees, er wood, er lumber. So the more trees we have the more wood we have the more CO2 tied up in molecules that are not in the atmosphere. Perfessor Gore says atmospheric CO2 makes the thermostat rise and then polar bears float to their deaths on ever diminishing chunks of ice, and that makes Oprah cry.

So trees are good! Wait amount, Rufus? Isn’t that exactly what those crazy, tree huggers tell us? Well, yes. Tree huggers do like trees, but you know what they don’t tell you?

To use round numbers, let’s say it takes 10 square meters of forest floor and ten years to turn an acorn into an oak tree 10 meters tall. We all know mature trees grow slower. What else happens to mature trees? They die. And what happens to dead trees? They often catch fire and that releases all that bad, evil CO2 right back into the atmosphere.

What happens when you chop down that oak and make a deck or adirondock chair out of it? The CO2 stays trapped in the wood and the polar bears and Oprah are happy! Yeah chair! And, if you are in the business of making money selling Adirondock chairs to Oprah what will you do after you chop that oak tree down? Plant another acorn so you’ll have more wood in ten years.

Yes, kids. True believers in CO2 induced global warming are huge advocates of clearing and replanting forests and turning the cleared wood into lumber. Old growth forests often catch fire and wild fires release incredible amounts of CO2 into the atmosphere. Forests managed by lumber mills are an environmentalists dream.

The next time you meet someone who claims to be concerned about global warming ask them what they are doing to ensure lumber companies have more access to old growth forests. If they don’t know what you are talking about you know they either don’t believe what they are saying, or they are a fool.

Although on second thought Gore is both fat and a bastard.

Anyway, Mr. Wise-Ass, methane’s power to destroy the planet is about 21 times that of carbon dioxide, or roughly half that of water vapor. So, even if he’s more gassy than my collies – which I don’t believe is even possible – we’re still on the plus side. However, you do have a point. If everybody would use Beano, we’d SAVE THE PLANET!!!! too. I wonder if the Beano people have figured this out yet?