As we know, the President of the United States – Commander-In-Chief of the most powerful nation on earth – has rejected the various strategic options for Afghanistan offered to him by the military professionals he supposedly leads. None of these options were worthy of the genius that this administration has come to stand for in these 57 states.
Employing clandestine means that would, we have no doubt, subject us to a severe verbal reprimand – or at least a mild tongue lashing – at the hands of Attorney General Eric “Tolerate No Nonsense” Holder, the Threedonian Intelligence Service has discovered the latest strategic options for Afghanistan that have been developed by the President’s team. Let’s take a look.
OPTION 1: THE PYTHON FEINT
Inspired by the battle against the killer rabbit in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”, this plan utilizes our vast logistic and transportation capabilities to the greatest effect. American troops head for the nearest border, as quickly as possible. This not only ends the war in the shortest possible amount of time, it also results in a vast increase in frequent-flyer miles for the troops that will be evacuated.
OPTION 2: NATION BUILDING
In this plan, everyone flees to the remote, unused northeast corner of Afghanistan. There, they set up the new nation of Trashkanistan and defend the narrow neck of land that will form its border against the Taliban.
OPTION 3: ALLAHU AKBAR!
Hailed by many as the most creative option, the “Allahu Akbar” strategy is brilliant in its simplicity. Ever member of the United States military in-country is forcibly converted to Islam by the Taliban. At that point, every serving member of the US military would have a religous obligation to take themselves out in order to defeat the Great Satan – whcih they would be. Problem solved!
OPTION 4: THE SECRET WEAPON
Pull all the troops out and replace them with the most powerful weapon in the United States arsenal:
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LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somehow, I knew Oprah would have something to do with this – she always does.
T-
You are a genius.
Now if only I could convince my wife and daughter of that fact G!
The home town crowd is the toughest.
I would also add a Dr. Phil stinkbomb to cover my bets.
Or BO could just drop the Cleveland Browns on that little country…that would be a doomsday bomb
Maybe we should just pull out all the troops to lure them into a false sense of security and then invade again 30 years later. They’d never see that coming…
Good one, Blackhawk.
Obama is wanting the Afghan government to be more responsible and less corrupt before he commits. You know, be more like dirty Chicago politics and the 111th Congress.
Run away! Run away!
You forgot the enormous, wooden badger maneuver.
Indeed, my sources indicate that they are planning to roll up a wooden badger to the Taliban stronghold.
You never know. We, in our sarcasm, may give them some better ideas.