As Rufus announced yesterday, Threedonia has launched a project to support our troops in Iraq this Christmas. (Working title: “Operation Support Our Troops In Iraq This Christmas”). Your donations will be sent to the world’s most bad-ass Santa, currently stationed in Iraq: our own Outlaw. Outlaw will then distribute your gifts to the troops. Whether he will decorate his whirly-bird with reindeer or not has yet to be decided.
It’s easy. Just send you parcel to the following address:
S. Claus
44 Strawberry Hill Avenue #1M
Stamford, CT 06902
What to send? Here’s some suggestions:
- Pilar Lastra
- Chocolate candy (the Army Aviator mentioned Mounds bars by name, just a tip for single, Threedonian women looking to impress a pilot aviator.)
- Pilar Lastra’s sister, if she looks vaguely like Pilar Lastra
- Snacks; individually packaged peanuts, pretzels, fritos corn chips and other salty stuff that’s not good for you.
- Books, magazines, DVDs movies or TV shows
Does this post presage the possibility that we are going to harangue you about this charity drive every single day, in public-television type fashion? Well, of course it does. You will be harangued every day until December 18 – which is the day that our packages will ship overseas. So get used to the haranguing! However, we will strive to be entertaining haranguers.
Knowing that women are natural givers, I am focusing today’s harangue on the fellas with the dangly parts. Sure, you boys have good hearts, but you tend to be procrastinators. To get you off of your sorry butts, I’ve enlisted the help of Ms. Elin Nordegren, aka: Mrs. Tiger Woods.
As you know, Elin has been having a bit of – er – marital difficulty lately. But, despite that, she still has time to help support our brave men and women serving overseas. She kindly provided me with a very special photograph that you can view by clicking through – BUT ONLY IF you agree to send something to the troops! Got it boys? If you click through, you agree to package up a suitable gift and send it on its merry way.
PSFW*
*Possibly Suitable For Work – depending on how cool your boss is.
Also, Elin wants you to send this link to friends, family and other web sites, so that we can get the word out. Let’s make this is a big Christmas for the guys and gals keeping us safe!
I’m tempted to send Hello Kitty merchandise, but I know that two days after arrival, I would end up across with the Mexican border without any pants, after Outlaw made some calls to his buddies stateside.
Tell Floyd not to send that man boob pic.
Or his assless chaps.
Don’t worry Scott… it’s the U.S. Army not the Greek Navy.
We’re sending a South Park season, some Joe T Garcia salsa (made and bottled in Ft Worth Tx), Fritos to eat it with and some cards the kids made.
Merry Christmas, Tracy, Doc Zoon and all the little Zoons!
Rich, I had to go looking for Rufus’ post to share on FB cause I can’t share yours. I’m friends with 1/2 my church, it would offend most of them. Are you trying to get me kicked out of the Southern Baptist Women’s League? (I’m not even sure there is one, and I’m definitely not a member, but still)
On the other hand, it could be fun.
See Rich? I always told you Tracy liked me best!
(Although I have to admit, I think your post is better than mine.)
(And, since we’re on the subject; Mrs. Woods is obviously, well, let’s just say she’s not dowdy and the “hosteses” Tiger’s been escorting on road trips look a bit, well, I’ll be kind… but here’s my question: If you’ve got that waiting for you at home, and probably perfectly willing to travel on your lear jet to tour events too, what in heaven’s name are you doing messing around with those other women?! Not that infidelity is ever right, but my goodness! What’s not to like?)
I was thinking along similar lines, but as has been proved all along, affairs are not always about the physical. Lord knows dr zoon could do way better. Maybe hostess girl was so thankful Tiger would even give her the time of day, she practically worshiped him, whereas Ms. Woods may believe she’s doing him a favor. As I told one of my very young friends who recently got married, you’ve got to feel so darn grateful they chose you above all others that you hope they never figure out how you got the better end of the deal. And they’ve got to feel the same way. If you ever get to a place where you start thinking how lucky he is to have you, you better watch out, cause bad things are about to happen.
I just reread that and it sounds like I blame her, that’s not true. No matter how she acted or what she thought, he was wrong to go outside the marriage to get a need met. It’s a rare woman(as least I hope so) who will turn her back on a man who truthfully and gently tells her that he desires to save the marriage and asks for some help doing so.
I agree Tracy! In my mind, when a man steps up to that altar and stands in front of his friends and family, or in front of a judge, and makes a pledge, he ought to honor it. Now, if a man decides he’s changed, or learned something new, or whatever… have the cajones to come home to your wife, the woman you took a vow with, look her in the eye and tell her what you plan to do. I still think Tiger would be making a mistake to leave his wife and daughters but if he had told his wife first, before puttering around the fringe, I’d have much more respect for him as a man.
Tracy,
First, I love your advice. As I’ve written before, I travel a lot with my work and I’ve had a lot of long, overseas assignments. And, I’m not hideously looking, am in good shape and when traveling as a businessman on expense… a lot of women see potential in that in foreign countries (and in this one). I’ve had more than my share of women approach me in restaurants and bars and ask to join me. No thanks. I’ve never ever come close to straying. First, it just ain’t in me. I made a promise to my wife, and I’m damn grateful she took me up on it and I intend to stick to my word. Second, if one is unhappy at home how in the world does one think getting tangled up with yet another woman is going to solve things?! Or, as I often joke with Mrs. Firefly when the subject comes up, “That’s just what I’m looking for. One more woman in my life to tell me what to do!”
I have known plenty of guys, and too many gals, who suffer from Tiger’s affliction. I think there are a lot of reasons, but all of them boil down to an over-exaggeration of one’s self-worth. At the end of the day they value their own, personal, instant gratification over any pain they will inflict on their spouse and children.
Rufus,
“If you’ve got that waiting for you at home, and probably perfectly willing to travel on your lear jet to tour events too, what in heaven’s name are you doing messing around with those other women?! Not that infidelity is ever right, but my goodness! What’s not to like?”
At least he didn’t have an affair with Camilla Parker-Boyles.
Very funny, Kit! But I think that counts as beastiality. Her on horseback is redundant.
I really don’t want to get a bunch of angry Southern Baptist ladies chasing me down Tracy, so I appreciate your discretion. And I also understand the underlying message: that you really like me WAY better than Rufus.
Those who need to know about it know if it exists.
I’m trying not to picture David in Mexico with no pants..hope he gets left with a copy of “A Critique of Pure Reason” for cover.
Going shopping tomorrow. TV series, Fritos, candy……what else?
There’s a rumor that tortilla chips are in short supply—for the salsa y’all are sending.
Did I use “y’all” right? I’m a youse guys man, myself.
Yes, your usage was correct. * Y’all is distinctly separate from the singular you. The statement, “I gave y’all my payment last week,” is more precise than “I gave you my payment last week.” You (if interpreted as singular) could imply the payment was given directly to the person being spoken to – when that may not be the case.
* Some people misinterpret the phrase “all y’all” as meaning that Southerners use the word y’all as singular and all y’all as plural. However, all y’all is used to specify that all of the members of the second person plural are included (i.e., it functions similarly to “all of you” in standard English), that is “all y’all” as opposed to “some of y’all”
We just did a huge care package (over 1,000 pounds) for a buddy of mine’s unit in Afghanistan but I think I’ve still got a stack of magazines I could send over. One question, when send the package to Ritchie’s unit in Afghanistan we had to adhere to Muslim law with what we sent, does the same apply here?
Also not that I’m complaining about the second picture, which by the way is a work of art, but I don’t think that Elin is it? If so then Tiger really has lost his mind.
It looks like her to me. I just looked in the media vault on the site and the photo has her name in the caption, although that may have been Trzupr’s doing.
Until Outlaw answers for sure, Veruckt, I believe any skin mags are verboten.
Yes you are correct Mike, no nudity. Maxim magazine is about as hot as it can get over here. But for some reason “R” rated movies are OK…you figure it out.
** Edit “sending”. My world for an edit button!
Not Elin in the second photo.
Any idea who it is B?
I believe (but am in no position to check it out) that she’s a Norwegian model, whose last name I’ve forgotten. I think she does only cheesecake.
From firsthand experience – porn and pork are a no go, as is anything with liquor in it.
Hygeine items are a good thing. Stuff you’d find in your own bathroom is sometimes in short supply over there. Female stuff to help the women (Outlawettes) feel like women has done well. Magazines do very well, but avoid any nuditities, and nothing overtly political (yeah, I know that’s hard to do given the nature of this blog). Make sure that if it is a subscription magazine, your address is removed from the cover.
I’ve found that copy paper boxes filled with bags of good quality tortilla chips are a big hit. Cookies are good, as long as you pack them well enough so that they don’t turn into pulverized crumbs by the time they get there.
If you ship liquids, such as salsa or shampoo, be sure to run a wide strip of tape over the cap, so that it can’t unscrew itself during transit (learned that the hard way with some cheese dip – what a mess). When the postal police taking the package and customs form from you asks if there are any liquids, you will have to say ‘what, no liquids here…’, or your package will be turned away.
Microwave popcorn, chili (no beans, thank you very much – they’ve got enough fart wars going without adding ammunition), hearty soups. The night shift there rarely gets to eat hot stuff at the chow line due to hours, so stuff decent to microwave does well.
I would suggest not shipping anything that you expect them to keep after their tours end over there. Gifts or keepsakes are nice to receive, but their luggage space on return is VERY limited, so whatever ships over there will probably stay over there (if not consumed).
I have my packages of goodies packed and ready to mail out tomorrow.
DVDs and lots of tasty stuff of chocolatey or salty/crunchy nature,
and a Christmas card. And some $$$ to kick in to the shipping fund.
Merry Christmas, GScarfe! You rule!!