One of the most entertaining parts of the weird world of environmental science is “fish shocking”. When somebody needs to know how many fish are in a particular river or stream, we proceed to electrocute all of the fish in a given section of said river or stream. This results in all of the fish floating – hopefully unconscious, but sometimes actually dead – atop the river, where the various species can be counted. Your tax dollars are frequently used to pay for this, by the by, and let me take this opportunity to thank you for that. We couldn’t do it without ya!
Oh, and also by the by, one of the unintended consequences of fish shocking is that any mammals that happen to be in the stream at the time become – what’s the word? – dead. Fish have air bladders, so, if they survive the shocking, they float until they can shake off the experience. Otters and beavers and the like are not blessed with air bladders. Once shocked, they pretty much drown. But hell, it’s a small price to pay for saving the planet.
Not to worry, it get’s weirder…
Enviros were worried about Asian carp invading the Great Lakes. Asian carp, it seems, can grow up to four feet long, weigh up to 100 pounds, eat other native species and may or may not be equipped with lasers attached to their heads. (We’re still researching the latter). Anyway, this was deemed a serious enough threat to the Great Lakes that we fought back at one of the locks in the Sanitary and Ship Canal (aka: the “We Ran Out of Names Canal”) that connects the Great Lakes with the Mississippi River system on Wednesday. This was done, in turn, so that Department of Natural Resources could introduce poison into the canal which – it was hoped – would kill the nasty Asian carp before they could do any more damage.
Well, the results are in. Tens of thousands of fish are well and truly dead. This includes exactly the following number of Asian carp:
One.
Yay! Another victory for the environment! What could be better for the planet than killing off its inhabitants? Fortunately, environmentalists are not known for over-reacting in ways that create unintended consequences.
Damned carp.
h/t Mrs. Trzupr
But Mr. Heisenberg, if you shock ‘em and some of ‘em die, then haven’t you changed the outcome of the measurement so that you don’t know what you now have in the river?
That’d be like finding a bridge’s loadbearing capacity by stressing it to the breaking point; sure, you knew the old bridge’s strength, but what about the new one?
Asian Carp have adapted amazingly well to life on the Mississippi. They breed like fish and have an amusing trait of jumping out of the water when spooked by a loud noise, like, say a boat motor. Boaters on the Mississippi often find a few in their boats, or are occassinally struck by airborn carp!
Maybe they should throw them out of airplanes.
As God as my witness, I didn’t know that carp could fly.
The carp are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Oh, the humanity!
OH geez. Just give a guy like my Dad and brothers a few thousand yards of monofiliment gill net webbing, a few thousand feet of lead line and cork line and let them deal with the creatures. Cripes sake…and they could sell the catch and make money.
In California, we have huge swaths of giant windmills specifically designed (or so it would seem) to kill tens of thousands of birds a year for Gaia. Saving the planet involves sacrifice, boyo.
Related and equally stupid enviro-story: Folks who run sewage treatment plants (motto of all sewage treatment plants: “Your #2 is Our #1!”) have to periodically sample the water in the stream into which they discharge. They then count the numbers of fish larvae in the stream. If there is a decrease in the amount of larvae, they can get in trouble with EPA. Makes sense – in a way (although there are obviously other things that can affect the number of larvae). But, they will also get in trouble if there is an INCREASE in the amount of larvae. Seriously.
Environmentalists don’t want to save the planet. Not really. They want to keep it in cold storage.
I guess it causes quite a “roe” when they can’t find enough fish eggs?
And while I’m on that topic, I was once at an environmental conference where protesters were sneering at sewage treatment plant operators for being “polluters”.
What do these people think happens when they flush?
Our country lacks a serious level of maturity. Arrested development.
Fish Shocking, by Homer Simpson: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqY1LsUYbME
When I was a kid we used to do worm shocking. Stick two metal poles in the ground, about 5′ – 10′ feet apart and run 110 volt current through ‘em. The worms wiggle right up to the surface. Then we’d use the worms to catch fish. We never thought of putting the poles right in the river. Would have saved a step!
Rufus that sounds like the sort of super villain behavior I’d expect from David.
By the by has the EPA considered using dynamite to check how many fish are in a river? Not sure how effective it would be but it would definitely be a hell of a lot cooler.
So they burned down the lake to save the lake?
I’m not sure what the problem is with the carp. Are they inedible?
From what I’ve heard, Mike, the carp are eating other fish and everything else in sight. Could be serious implications for fishermen, fishers of men and the women who love them.
Not for me, I don’t like fish.
People in Texas have been known to fish with dynamite! Louder but same end result.
I would love to fly around in a helicopter and shoot zoologist with a tranquilizer dart and put GPS collars on them.