Let’s Open Some Presents!

Okay, this is a switch.  I’m here with Santa while he’s opening presents.

Okay here’s the first one.  What’s that?  Ooooh, a book!  Dreams from My Father?! You gotta be kidding me.

What?  Oh.  (He is kidding me.  St. Nick thinks he’s a comedian.)  Yeah, yeah, ‘ho ho ho.’  Now show me what it is.

Okay, now that’s a good book.  And another by the same author?  Nice.  A lot of candy, too!  ‘For snacking,’ yes. Put it down, Santa.  Now.

Next one’s heavy.  Lift with your legs, Big Guy! What’s in it?  Tons of snacks!  Tons!  Is that jerky?  A lot of that.  No, it’s not reindeer, Santa. I don’t think they make reindeer jerky, do they?  No, I don’t know why not.  They just don’t. And [loooong whistle!] a DVD box set?  Who of? Sweet!  Great movie star.

Next up, two boxes taped together.  Says ‘gourmet’ on the sides.  Yes, they will appreciate it, Santa. It’s you who gulps your food.  Open, open.  Hey!  “Gourmet” is right.  Some primo salty snacks there.  And a nice note.  I don’t know who it’s from.  It’s signed but I don’t know the name.  Hold on—-Santa says he’ll know who it’s from.  Definite “nice-list” person? (He’s making that so-so motion.)  This tips the balance, though, right?  Good.

Okay, here’s a priority mail box.  MORE MOVIES!  Hours and hours worth!  With lots of name-brand candy to go with them!  And a sealed envelope—-hmmmm.  What do you say, Santa?  You’re the expert—-think there’s a naughty picture in there, or a nice card?  Don’t be a smart aleck. (He says he’s Santa, not Kreskin.)  Looks like a Christmas card to me.  Don’t think I’ll open it unless Outlaw says I should.

Next up.  This box has arrows to show which way is up, so I’m betting it’s china or a puppy or something.  Nope!  Even better!  Now there’s some salty nuts snacks.   Pounds of ‘em!  No, I don’t have any milk, Santa.  Plus they’re sealed so I’ll know.

And finally, a little box.  Strangely heavy.  Bullion? (Santa says it’s not gold, it feels more like chicken.)  Let’s see.  We’ve struck chocolate!  How can you pack so many chocolate bars into that box?  They’re sealed up tighter than a drum too, so Tracy’s kids haven’t gotten to them.  Yet.

Well, Santa’s drooling all over his beard, so we’ll call it a night.  All food products are now under lock and key until the big shipping day, so don’t worry about a thing, Outlaw.

We’ll be back again next week!

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