Flame On!

Not to distract anyone from the burning question that all Threedonians are dying to have answered: how is Rich doing after his harrowing ordeal during which his fabulous Mustang flipped over 217 times, plunged over a cliff, landed on a knife factory, exploded in a ball of flames while the flaming debris fell into a pit of lava – an accident that was caused by Rich’s heroic efforts to avoid smashing into a busload of nuns stuck in the middle of the road while on their way to help starving children. I am fine, although if any Threedonian babe feels the urge to come by and give me a sponge bath (do I hear Kath volunteering?), I would not object.

No, we must move on. And on we shall move. The subject of harrowing, heroic escapes from death while behind the wheel of a motor vehicle set me to thinking about one of the more sublime observations offered by my younger brother, Ger. Namely: “You know, if Osama bin Laden was crossing the street in front of you, you  could step on the gas and run the a-hole over. Not only would you  not get arrested, you would get $25 million. How cool is that?”

Indeed. There are, to my knowledge any way, few cooler examples of patriotic vehicular manslaughter. Not sure how likely a scenario this is, but it’s fun to contemplate.

And this, in turn, led me to share the ultimate flame of all flames that I have ever read, also posted by Ger.

Background. In my role as a fearless columnist for the Mighty Examiner, I have developed a few enemies over the years. One of these is an unreformed hippie who goes by the handle “Poindexter”. The dude hates me with a passion and, up until a few months ago, had regularly posted comments on my blog and sent me e-mails that were full of all sorts of invective. This is fine with me. I get my ink every week, so I figure that it’s only fair that people who disagree with me have their say. I don’t fire back.

This past June, I published this column about Mark Steyn’s ordeal at the hands of Canada’s Human Rights Tribunal, aka: goodthink witch hunt commission. Poin posted a typically incoherent response after my piece came out. To wit:

“I have known since the first time I picked up a Streamwood Examiner that you were delusional, but I assumed you were just ignorant. Not until this column did I realize just how blatantly dishonest you are. It frightens me that there are people who actually take this drivel seriously.”

Ger, posting under the nom-de-plum “Pubicus” replied:

“Hey Poindexter – to paraphrase Steve Martin talking to another blowhard in “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” – ‘by the way, you know, when you’re posting these little “thoughts”? Here’s a good idea – have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the reader.’

There’s plenty to pick on with these columns, why don’t you try pointing something out? I’m sure typing up all the un-backed up insults made you feel all good, but like most of us learned long ago, masturbation is best kept in private. So why not clean off your keyboard, find a grown-up to define “example” for you, and try again.”

Now I know that he’s my brother, so I’m prejudiced, but I still judge that to be the greatest flame in the history of flaming. It should be no surprise to learn that Poiny hasn’t been heard from since.

Ger posts at Free Republic using the handle “Hegewisch Dupa”. Always great stuff, although he’s probably too snooty ever to join us here.

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