I’m away from the shores of Threedonia on a business trip. My phone rings during a meeting. It’s Mrs. Firefly. Now Mrs. Firefly doesn’t typically call during work hours unless someone has lost a limb or there is a 70′ bi-pedal, fire-breathing lizard walking down the street, headed for the Firefly Compound. And even then the lizard has to be within a 100′ radius of the compound gates.
So I ran out into the hall and answered my phone.
Mrs. F: ”Are you in a meeting?”
Me: “Yes. What’s going on?”
Mrs. F: “You know that hormone cream the doctor has me on?”
Me: (Hormones?! Can’t we talk about the Superbowl?) ”Yes, I think so.”
Mrs. F: ”Well, I’m watching Oprah and she has a bunch of women on who all have the same symptoms and are using that cream.”
Me: (DId she just say, “Oprah?!” ”Oprah” and “hormones?!” What heinous crime did I commit in a past life to warrant this phone call?!) ”Uh-huh, O.K., got’ta get back to my meeting…”
Mrs. F: ”Her show is usually re-broadcast late at night. Can you see if it’s on where you are and watch it tonight?”
Me: ”Got’ta run, meeting’s starting back up… phone’s breaking up… there’s a 70′, fire breathing lizard heading for the building… battery’s going dead…”
Why does Oprah hate me?
Eeeyyyeeuuuw, I wondered what the show was about. Sorry Rufus — I caught 30 seconds there at the end and it’s another Thing Designed To Scare Women. I didn’t hear exactly, but it’s probably cream that makes you gain ten pounds.
(with apologies to Mrs F. for making light of her fear but you started it and no tags back)
That reminds me of this.
I wonder if Oprah is eating the cream…
wait… what are we talking about?
Oh yes, hormones. I don’t know what those are-get back to me in a week.
My wife had some hormone cream . . . it’s not a good thing . . . for the man.
Mrs. Firefly: Please for the love of God stop watching Oprah! Please. I beg you. She is a brain masher. She will steal your soul. She is the anti christ.
Oh Lawdie I feel your pain Ruf. I scammed Oprah tix for my bride and daughter last year, having no idea what I was doing. It’s some kind of freakin’ cult. I swear that their heads rotated completely about their shoulders when they got the news.
Intervention. That’s all I got to say. Intervention.
Yes, and the symptoms are having breasts and internal genitalia. Not to worry. Just don’t use it yourself, Rufus.