Hello all. Yeah, I know: new picture. Different day, different Wank mood.
Today’s Crankette has to do with Vogue magazine’s latest cover girl. It’s our first lady, and the story that Andre Leon Talley writes is pure tongue bath. Which proves to be a tongue depressor — as in, just a little bit more, and I’ll gag. I’ll vomit. I’ll “gavomit”*. (*thank you Scrubs’ Dr Perry Cox, aka John C. McGinley, for that one)
Here’s what kills me: only slightly more than half of the republic voted for her husband, yet they’re being pimped like they just won American-fuckin’-Idol. I’m sorry! I was neutral towards Michelle Obama at the beginning, but then those snotty-ass comments about “first time proud” and “don’t vote for a candidate just because she’s cute” pretty much burnt her bridge with me. Burnt it, blew it up, nuked it to the 24th century. (Partly because you don’t ad hominem my girl Sarah on my watch…bring a factual argument, but don’t call her stupid & focus on her legs because then you’ll be dead. to. me. And yes! deleted from this site.)
Point is: Not everyone thinks the Obamas are the Second Coming, and putting them on every magazine cover (including, apparently, Oprah’s next issue…where NO ONE BUT OPRAH HAS EVER APPEARED…I may never stop throwing up) is not going to win me over. And talking about how Michelle is the “First Lady America’s Been Waiting For” is an insult to my not-inconsiderable multi-degreed been-around-the-world intelligence. And everyone else’s, for that matter.
We’ve been “waiting for” a woman whose job credits include a made-up position commensurate with her husband’s rising star? a woman who assumes we’ll spend our tax credit on a $600 pair of earrings? a woman who’s called “fashion-forward” by an adoring press when she distracted from her big ass (yeah, sorry; had to say it) by baring her big guns during a formal address to Congress — nice way to move the attention to you, Michelle, during a time when = not at all appropriate.
And I’m not being a stick-in-the-mud. Some institutions are meant to be dressed for accordingly & appropriately. I hate that that makes me sound like my mother, but see what Dems bring out in me?
(“Appropriate” is not, apparently, a word in Barry’s Blackberry, as everyone in England knows by now…for crissakes, Sir, we’ve got people who’ll shop for you; there’s a whole wing of staff called “protocol” for a REASON. Hell, I could’ve done better than 25 DVDs & two Marine One ‘copters. And I didn’t go to an Ivy League school! though I did make my way through all the straight men of Brown’s theatre dept., Class of ’83)
Back to the “At Last!” moment with Michelle, specifically. How else is she going to prove to me that she’s the better of Abigail Adams, Dolley Madison, and on down? Better yet: does it have to be “better” — first ladyships are hard enough — can’t she just say “different” and we’d be fine with that?
I won’t ever forgive her and her lib cronies for belittling a woman who, because she dared be a proud Conservative, had to be punished. Her spotty college record, her accent, her low-rent pageant history, her mothering skills, her wifing skills, her womb…
More than punished. Sarah Palin, a self-made woman who had what the magazines claim we all want, vis to wit.: ” It all”…must be DESTROYED. Humiliated. Made to regret the effrontery she had in standing up to such a Perfect Black Man. ”Not one of us!” The Vichy Republicans even took up that cry.
Erica Jong — she of Fear of Flying and inserter of the 70s phrase “zipless fuck” into the vernacular — is an author I actually adore. She’s sloppy and crazed and way, way out there…and in her later years she’s spent way too much time defining herself along party lines, in a way she’d earlier condemned the feminist movement for doing (Jong was once booed by a group of feminists while she read a poem about her baby daughter..Later, furious, she wrote pages and pages telling us we had to stop excluding women who were wives, women who stayed at home to parent, women who liked men…or else, she warned, the feminist movement would wither on the vine).
And she was right. But Liberal women FORGOT!
And so they felt free to turn Sarah Palin into a laughingstock and Michelle Obama into the woman who will out-Jackie Jackie. (altho’ anything that wilts some people’s obsession w/Ms Onassis is actually okay with me)
The Wankette is here to tell you: Conservative women have long memories. And we will be back. And when we are, we won’t be featuring a lot of “us”. We’ll be featuring a lot of “these”:
Because Conservative women know what real women want to see on a glossy cover. And it ain’t Michelle Obama in sleeveless dress.
See you next week. And thanks, June, for lighting that fire under my ass.
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“Conservative women have long memories.”
You don’t gotta tell me that, Wanks- I’ve got a wife.
Wanks that was so awesome. I am crying real tears…dang! Great stuff. And yeah we do have long friggen memories.
Two thumbs up.
I love how choice is bandied around until you choose to have the children sent to you, or choose to raise them at home, or choose to be conservative. Then you obviously are not making a choice, you are obviously an idiot.
M0 as the first lady we’ve been waiting for? Not hardly.
(”Appropriate” is not, apparently, a word in Barry’s Blackberry, as everyone in England knows by now…for crissakes, Sir, we’ve got people who’ll shop for you; there’s a whole wing of staff called “protocol” for a REASON. Hell, I could’ve done better than 25 DVDs & two Marine One ‘copters. And I didn’t go to an Ivy League school! though I did make my way through all the straight men of Brown’s theatre dept., Class of ‘83)
That made me laugh coffee all over my laptop. Thanks.
Great piece, Wankette-
I can’t add anything to what you wrote, so I’ll comment on the VOGUE article. It’s basically all about this:
“For a passionate supporter like me (someone who, like millions of regular American citizens, volunteered in the campaign trenches and basked in the glow of glory at the Inauguration), being the focus of this reassuring gaze is akin to hearing a chord from John Coltrane’s “A Love Supreme.” Or maybe Ralph Vaughan Williams’s “The Lark Ascending”: All is well and right and real.”
“For a passionate supporter like me (someone who, like millions of regular American citizens, volunteered in the campaign trenches and basked in the glow of glory at the Inauguration), being the focus of this reassuring gaze is akin to hearing a chord from John Coltrane’s “A Love Supreme.” Or maybe Ralph Vaughan Williams’s “The Lark Ascending”: All is well and right and real.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh I wish I had a recording of my dog horking on a bone to add emphasis to the wretched heaving my stomach is doing now. WTF? That was insane!
I used to have a supporter in gym class.
Exactly, Wankette. I also have not stopped “gavomiting” since the election (actually since about September) and don’t see the end in sight. Sarah Palin is the best, I love RP’s a**shot and am amazed at your mindreading skills – summed up everything I have been feeling and saying for months.
ahhhh… good to see you let it rip Wanks! You are my hero!
When I heard Michelle Obama was meeting with military families during and after the campaign I wanted so badly to get invited… I wanted to ask her the questions that I knew some would not ask. No one ever challenged them-and if they did, the media made that person the poster child for insanity.
Oh, and by the way… thanks for the Robert Pattinson. Yummy. I just want to touch the tushy… must resist petting my computer screen.
*wink*
Back to the “At Last!” moment with Michelle, specifically. How else is she going to prove to me that she’s the better of Abigail Adams, Dolley Madison, and on down? Better yet: does it have to be “better” — first ladyships are hard enough — can’t she just say “different” and we’d be fine with that?
Great observation. Why CAN’T she just be different? Because she is African-American, the media must make her better than all the rest. Same with the president. They have to make him THE best president ever! IMO, it’s much about white guilt, self loathing and assigning God-like attributes so they can feel comfortable in their own moral corruptness. “Look at the great thing we did! We lifted up this great, yet humble, man to the highest position in the land! We must be good people!” (And therefore, those who are against them are all bad.)
Me want-‘um Wankette and June show on Radio Free Threedonia…now!!! OK, maybe another week or so, and yes, June, I say that out of love.
I really hated it when people gushed about the stylishness and affordability of her heinous Inaugural frocks. Nobody mentioned what a bullet-resistant suit will put you back. No. The media had to mention how much Nancy Reagan spent on her dress. Never mind that Bush declared a state of emergency in DC to cover all the costs of security. Then there was the cost of the trash cleanup. But someone else will clean it up, right? So I’ll just throw my crap on the National Mall, because Our Dear Leader will make someone pick it up. I had some friends stay with us during the Inauguration. So I took them around the city on Monday. Everywhere were tables and stands full of t-shirts, buttons, etc. declaring Obama our first black president. Who really cares? I don’t care what his ethnicity is. I don’t agree with his politics. Then I almost get into a fight with this Obama supporter on the Metro for popping open a Pepsi (who sponsored the events) and guzzling it on the train. I guess she felt entitled to drink when everyone else who uses Metro to get to work, to provide for their families and pay their taxes don’t. The Inauguration was only the beginning of the wave of entitlement sweeping our nation. First Lady we’ve been waiting for? Hardly.
There. I feel better.
Um when did it become OK for people to have open containers on the DC metro? I remember having to hide my Starbucks till I got out of the Metro station in order to drink it.
Wankette, Steph, rest of you,
What you fail to understand is that Michelle Obama is the Perfect Woman married to the Most Perfect Man. She represents true feminity and he, masculinity. They are above us in all matters, physical, intellectual, and philosophical. By denigrating them you are denigrating Your best aspects. They need to be Praised by us. That is why Sarah Palin, despite her great achievements, had to be attacked. She failed to understand the importance of aiding Obama in this current time of great crisis. Obama (Blessings Be Upon His Name) is the best leader this nation has ever had and ever will have.
May He reign for many long and prosperous years.
UGH! No shower will wash this post off.
Wow, excuse my grammar. Food and drink are STILL not allowed on the train, Steph. Before having kids, I was a frequent Metro rider, and it drove me nuts when people would eat, drink, play loud music and leave their trash on the train. DC has one of the cleanest, safest subway systems in the world and the Obamabots were trashing it. They say DC is Hollywood for ugly people, and I believe that now more than ever.
I love how they just think the rules do not apply to them.
Eric–Wank and I have many plans for you threedonians… many plans.
Conservative women may have long memories, but why do you think it was conservative women who were most eager to trash Sarah Palin? Peggy Noonan and Kathleen Parker were particularly vicious to her. Christopher Buckley is another prominent conservative who supported Obama, and I don’t believe he mentioned Palin at all.
You can argue that Noonan and Parker were never “really” conservatives, but that seems too glib to be true. And even if it is, why would they “out” themselves over Sarah Palin?
I don’t have an answer for these questions, by the way. Just wondering if anyone here has any insight about it.
Class warfare. She is what they would consider a Wallmart Shopper, therefore too much salt of teh earth to be part of those who consider themselves better. Its like Patricians v Plebes. Sara is a Plebe.
I think that’s right Stephanie. Sarah Palin was a philistine and class is like tribe. They’ll almost always stick with their own unless they’re principled like WF Buckley, Bill Kristol, and others who may fully not like her or even be like Palin, but still agree with her at root.
Its funny if Reagan had been alive to see Peggy Noonan do what she did to Sara he would have dragged her to his office and laid down the law. We are all white trash or descendents there of. As my favorite writer says, none of us have to bow our heads in shame for where we came from. No one person is better than any other. Noonan and the other idiots ought to remember that.
I don’t know if snobbery tells the whole story. I’d be more likely to attribute it to envy, just because of the tone of the attacks. Kathleen Parker implied that Palin got the nod because she used her feminine wiles on McCain during a walk they took.
And yes, I know I’m verging on sexism by ascribing this motive to female columnists. I still could be right, though.
The problem is that Sarah Palin is unique. I can’t think of another nationally prominent politician who comes from her working-class background, so I can’t compare the kind of coverage Palin received to any kind of control group.
Reagan did originally, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama for that matter.
Right, I had thought of Reagan, but he’d been a millionaire and a celebrity for years before becoming governor. Obama spent his childhood as a world-travelling son of a hippy—maybe not much money, but certainly not working class.
That leaves Clinton. Could it be that Noonan’s problem with Clinton was his fondness for Big Macs and not his policies? I suppose so, but hope not.
Is it just me, or does that picture of Robert look like he’s pissing into somebody’s gas tank?
Wankette here; Boys. Boys!! We have room in our hearts for all of you. And by “we” I mean “me”; not speaking for June & co., but I’m sure they would concur.
he looks like an “autophile”
It’s the furtive looking around!
My God Floyd, we’re easily distracted…
“why do you think it was conservative women who were most eager to trash Sarah Palin? Peggy Noonan and Kathleen Parker were particularly vicious to her.”
Kriskey, I love ya, but I’ve got to respond to this. Ann Coulter & Laura Ingraham are much, MUCH more influential in conservative circles, and they were behind Sarah all the way.
No disputing that some conservative women (and men) went after her. But mostly it was issue-oriented. Mostly. SP was utterly trashed by the MSM & the far left, Andrew Sullivan prominent among them. But even then, it depended. Camille Paglia loved her; Oprah obviously had no use for her.
So I am just saying here that I am fed up with *cough* men *cough* blaming this on conservative women: Palin’s treatment, McCain’s loss, the price of celery. Jesus! There are far more conservative women who like her than hate her, I’d wager.
My point in this post was that no one — and I singled women out, as I is one — likes having an opinion dictated to them. And no one enjoys being brushed aside because, “well, statistically…”
And now I don’t even know if I made my damn point, because I’m so pissed off.
Wankette, you’re completely missing the big picture!
It totally looks like that guy is pissing in the gas tank.
Oh, look! A squirrel…
Wankette here: *smooch*
No it doesn’t. Its Mr. Pattinson showing off his glorious bum in jeans!
He does not look like he is peeing in that gas tank… unless his cock is 2 feet long-notice how far from the car he is standing.
If his cock was 2 feet long, he would not be starring in Twilight… he would be starring in another movie called VampireBlowjob.
Wankette here: You are a total bitch to put that thought in my head while I am currently in this fugue state.
and I agree with everything Wanks just said.
June,
I can always count on you.
No boys allowed in this clubhouse!!
Except for Rob.
Is it me or does Michelle Obama have the jaw of a pitbull? Always looks that way to me. The media love affair with the Obamas is just sickening but I think there is going to be a huge backlash. The American public will only go along with the love affair as long as it looks like they’re going to get something out of it. The more time that passes without all the handouts appearing, the more impatient the masses are going to get. I personally hope Oprah reaps her fair share of the backlash too. And don’t even get me started on the feminist treatment of Sarah… I think Dennis Miller nailed it when he speculated that the feminists hate Sarah because she looks like a happy woman with a good sex life.
sqt:
As usual, Miller says it better than I ever could.
Welcome to Threedonia! cool avatar.