OK, I’ve prayed and slept on it, and here’s what I’ve come up with as dust settles on one of the many hoodwinks of the 2012 election cycle: For those of you on the left (both genders) who bought into Team Obama’s phony “War on Women” meme, I paid attention to your Facebook posts. I heard quite well your work-time quips and casual conversations elsewhere about your rights to foist your hands into my pockets. Sometimes I took the bait and offered retorts, or asked you to prove your points. More often, though, I bit my tongue while enduring unsubstantiated lies, distortions of the bigger picture, and outright attacks on my values. Caught every last bit. Now, here’s where I’d like you to have the courtesy of paying as close attention to me as I did to you.
Unlike your imaginary “War,” my wife possesses an all-too-real Multiple Sclerosis medical condition, a condition which isn’t getting any better, despite the wonders of currently available medicine. So, when the Obama-sponsored healthcare medical reviews deny her access to affordable medication and/or make her wait so long her condition worsens even further, since I love her very much, I’ll be coming to you with a big hat in hand so you can help pay our less-than-fair share. Please reference my “Tragic Mike” Halloween costume if you haven’t already — it may not be a 10 gallon hat, but I’ve got an awfully large cranium which will not be crying itself to sleep on a large pillow, not while the likes of Sandra Fluke and college floozies get their birth control on this taxpayer’s dime, or a Catholic church is forced to perform an abortion in the name of your “lady parts.” No. No, you voted for this man’s policies, so you’re going to own them, every last penny.
I know where a lot of you live, and will find out where the rest reside. So, please, after I knock on your door, be sure to wear your generosity smiles widely and dig as deeply as we deem necessary. Please also don’t look at this as a threat or a promise, either, and rather simply accept it as your time to share that wealth around like your Dear Leader wants.
We thank you in advance,
The Porvaznik Family, Burbank Contingent