It’s time to play the music/it’s time to light the lights…
Tootsie is on TCM; the second Doctor Who special (about the 2nd Dr Who) is on BBCAmerica; Desperately Seeking Susan is on LOGO; and this week’s General Hospital episodes are screening on SoapNet. These are all things I would rather be watching.
*sigh*
But something always pulls me in. Affection for tradition? Morbid curiosity? Who knows.
Ready; set; SNARK.
So far Ace & BH have posted the photo of Anne Hathaway…on BH it says, “Presented Without Comment” — then the commenter proceeds to write something bitchy.
I present THAT without comment.
Kristin Chenoweth seems like a sweet person, but why is she a co-hosting the Red Carpet show?
Hey, give her a break. She’s a Christian southerner who survived a relationship with Aaron Sorkin. As far as I’m concerned, that earned her a Purple Heart.
And why is this dude with nerd glasses co-hosting with her?
Lots of questions will be answered tonight, including, “Why is Seth Macfarlane hosting this thing?”
He just told a joke on last year’s Best Actor winner. Who didn’t get it.
Ouch! calling Andy Levy — Macfarlane just snarked on Chris Brown & Rihanna.
Capt Kirk just showed via flown-in TV to critique Macfarlane.
Don Cheadle emancipation joke… nice non-PC joke
Yeah, that was a good one.
Now Macfarlane is singing a pre-taped song called, “We Saw Your Boobs”, aimed at Hollywood actresses who…well, you know.
It’s okay. It’s going on too long.
This is now “Dancing With the Stars” — Channing Tatum & Charlize Theron do a Astaire & Rogers dance to Seth singing, “The Way You Look Tonight”.
Now there’s a sockpuppet re-enactment of “Flight”.
Daniel Radcliffe & Joseph Gordon-Leavitt are soft-shoeing w/Seth to “High Hopes”.
This is the Tonys.
Now a skit with Sally Field & Seth as The Flying Nun.
This is now 16 minutes long. Now a Billy Crystal-type song & dance with a chorus to “Be Our Guest”.
Supporting Actress presented by a gorgeous Octavia Spencer (last year’s Best Supporting) (I love it when the previous winners do this). I forgot all the nominees are past winners. Eh. I’m all about spreading the love.
Wow. Waltz won for Django — a bit of an upset, I think Tommy Lee was the prediction.
Tarantino: the kingmaker for Supporting Actors like Woody Allen was for Supporting Actress.
The speech is mostly a salute to his director.
He’s going on for too long. We’re already bored because we are TWENTY MINUTES IN.
Waltz deserved it- he was great in Django. He had easily the most complex character in the film, and he nailed it.
Shall I see that movie, JC?
Only if you’re not squeamish. While there are pleasures to be had from it, it’s one of the bloodier and nastier movies I’ve seen. The first two-thirds are great, but the last third left me with a sour feeling in my stomach.
I’m not squeamish, but I think I’ll pass anyway. Thanks for the info.
I didn’t see Jingo, so I can’t comment on best supporting actor. I liked both Arkin and DeNiro – either would have been OK by me.
Thanks Wankette and Floyd, for taking this bullet for us.
You’ll get my bill.
Paul Rudd & Melissa McCarthy doing the Animated Short Nominees.
Rudd has an Affleck beard.
“Paper Man”, a black & white short that looks charming, wins.
“Paper Man” is a very good short film: http://youtu.be/Rqmh1GoZjnw
Yay! I’ll watch it at commercial.
I watched it. Makes me lament the envirocentric push to become a paperless society. *sigh*
And Animated Feature.
No surprise here: Brave.
Nice — one of the winners is wearing a kilt.
Paper Man was a great short
Reese Witherspoon is out to intro Les Miz, Life of Pi, and Beasts of the Southern Wild.
Ha, 1st goof. The cameraman gets Brad Cooper when Reese is intro’ing “Beasts”.
The cast of Avengers presents Cinematography.
Life of Pi.
I didn’t see Life of Pi. I thought that was Leon Russell there!
And Visual Effects:
Life of Pi. So far, they’re winning the Oscar tally.
Wow. Really? LOTR is ancient history, I guess, since Hobbit didn’t get it.
The spokesman goes on too long, and — will this be the Running Joke of the Night? The theme from Jaws plays over his rambling, until his mike gets cut off.
Been hearing a lot about Life of Pi, not the least being Klavan thinking it’s 2012′s best picture. Even my favorite film curmudgeon James Bowman gave it one star. Bowman’s ranking system is two stars, one star, and no stars, and his most common ranking is no stars. He hates almost everything.
I read the review. I’ll go see Pi this week.
The theme from Jaws is awesome “shut Up” music. Psycho might be better…
The speechmaker for the LIP group waited too long for a plea for the company that — produced the visual effects? (not sure) for Pi, which is suffering from its own sequestration.
Hey buddy! When you’re accepting on behalf of a group, don’t trot out your own family to thank. Not fair to everyone else.
The costume dramas always win… what about Argo? That film WAS the 1970s… glasses, bad shirts, the whole thing.
Did you say 70′s?
Channing Tatum is back, with Jennifer Aniston in a big Hollywood red ballgown.
Clooney is the new Jack Nicholson go-to butt of jokes.
Costume Design:
Anna Karenina.
The designer is director Joe Wright’s go-to. She also did Pride & Prejudice and Atonement.
Make-up & Hairstyling*:
Les Miserables.
*Hairstyling? Is this a new inclusion? Shouldn’t Brave have nabbed this?
She wore none herself tonight, but did have a scrunchy up-do.
Haistyling award … proof the Entertainment Industrial Complex has conned a nation into believing that an industry awards ceremony actually means something to everyone NOT in that industry… “Hey Martha… let’s go check out Les Miserable.. I heard it won an award for hairstyling.”
Bond Girl Halle Berry is here to intro “50 Years of Bond”.
MONTAGE, BABY!!!!
50 years of Bond…. oh hell yes
Shot through the silhouettes that are usually part of 007′s opening credits.
Where was a David Niven clip??
Now it’s Shirley Bassey to sing the best theme.
She looks fabulous. Her voice is hit & miss.
better than I would have thought… she’s gotta be 75
Good call: 76.
Hit the end!! Fab.
Eh, she nabbed it there at the very end.
A deserved standing-O.
An hour in, 7 awards.
Macfarlane looks good in a tux.
All the 20something women who are nom’d are wearing pale colors.
Anne looks cold. *rimshot*
Kerry Washington in an ad for Scandal.
Still haven’t forgiven her for that dumbass speech at the convention.
The animated short director DID mention thanks to the Academy for making the shorts available on DVD to the voters — got applause — Jamie Foxx (presenting w/Kerry) mentions it’s a 1st for the live-action, too.
Winner:
Curfew.
The director was the other actor in it.
He thanks his parents, most charmingly.
Documentary Short:
Inocente.
Hm. Both shorts feature young girls as central characters.
The subject of the doc is there with the directors onstage.
Liam Neeson intro’s Argo, Lincoln, Zero Dark Thirty.
Don’t they want to give Argo the Oscar just so Clooney can get up there to speak?
And, p.s., when are the Bond guys gonna be onstage??? Please don’t tell me that they couldn’t get ‘em.
Affleck was robbed
Benjamin Affleck.
He didn’t mention Henry Fonda’s Young Abe?
Thank God the AIDS doc didn’t win… I was going to have to turn it off after the for sure Reagan slander/lie to come…
Remind me again how long it took before President Reagan even said the word “AIDS.”
Ben Affleck is blowing his speech for Best Documentary feature:
Searching for Sugar Man.
Not a surprise, based on the audience reax alone.
I like the Oscar theme bumper music
Yes, the Running Joke is the Jaws theme, playing the winners off.
Seth is a sort of low-energy (not nec. an insult) Billy Crystal.
He’s got the snark timing down though.
And he can sing. Who knew?
Hathaway & Jackman auditioned for Les Miz by singing at the awards ceremony the year before it was cast. Maybe Seth has a new career coming.
He has the best voice on the show so far!!
That was an interesting camera jump shot to Affleck, just as he opened the envelope.
Jennifer Garner & Jessica Chastain (who looks gorgeous but is out of it — nerves, no doubt) — Best Foreign Film:
Amour.
Again, no surprise.
Was that an incredibly bored Salma Hayek? In a 60s updo?
No orchestra pit. They made the musicians be in a different part of town.
A European Union film! Très diversifié!
Joan Rivers tweeted a gay joke about Travolta tonight. Presented without comment.
John Travolta intros a live presentation of “All That Jazz” from Chicago. Catherine Z-J reprises Velma. She looks great, but the mic’s failing.
Now, Dreamgirls & JHud.
Sorry. This is nice, but WTF??
Montages & live performances of recent movie musicals??
Where are Connery, Dalton, Brosnan, Craig, and the co.??
EDITED: Ninety minutes in and — this must be wrong — now we’re up to 11 awards?
*hustles off to recount*
Yup.
Just 1 1/2 hours, no?
Duly noted. It only feels like two.
Time flies when …
Hugh & Anne & the other leads & chorus & Russell Crowe!!! and Helena B-C & Borat singing from Les Miz.
I was right at the beginning of this thread — this IS the Tonys.
This is the freakin’ Tony Awards.
at least they’re proving that some of them have talent
Well, they did warn music in movies being saluted. You think I’d be more interested. Back to Argo …
Music in the movies would be a great theme. But there are more and better musicals and themes to salute.
Where are my MOVIE MONTAGES????????????????
The singing is nice, but all wrong.
Thanks for taking the golden, bald-headed bullet for most of us, Wanks. My girlfriend’s aunt who’s a member of the screen actor’s guild gave us screener DVDs of Lincoln, Argo, and Silver Lining Playbook, last night. This Oscar show sounds like a real snoozer. I’m just gonna say it again … next year, get Jiminy Glick!
What, you thought the Tina/Amy hosting joke was just a joke? They’ll never wise up and let Craig Ferguson or Ellen host everything.
Ain’t Academy friends nice? Saving bucks towards libtards with your latter two and Zero Dark Thirty courtesy my hookup. Unfortunately, no screener for Django.
Chris Pine & an unsmiling Zoe Saldana present the 5-second Tech Awards summary.
Billy Crystal throwback: Seth references his low-rent film, Ted.
Mark Wahlberg & the actual Ted from the movie. Cool effect.
Low-rent? Well, yeah, no denying that, but still high-larious … and on the agenda for later tonight.
Well, I should have noted that at least Ted was funny.
Sound mixing:
Les Miserables.
Wahlberg was drunk on Graham Norton’s talk show last week. It was like performance art. He looks sober here.
How could you tell? Norton brings out the drunkardness in everyone.
Ohhhh, it was glaring.
My Irish friend sent me the youtube of Norton’s show with the drunken Wahlberg. What an ass.
Mrs. ubama was on the show, too???
Ted makes a Jews-control-Hollywood joke.
Sound Editing:
A tie!
Zero Dark Thirty
– letting them accept 1st.
And –
Skyfall.
The co-winner from Skyfall needs the hairstyling winner.
Her blow dryer broke. I hate when that happens.
Oooh, a Sound of Music visual joke.
Introducing Christopher Plummer for Best Supporting Anne. Uh — Actress.
perfect Oscars… he breaks out a guitar and does Edelweiss
His whiskey nose is quite bright tonight.
Plummer’s bit is the best so far.
The winner:
Anne Hathaway.
Obvious Joke: The Supporting winner didn’t, apparently, need any herself.
The men of 3D won’t notice them.
Her song was breathtaking in the film.
She was better as Catwoman though I will admit she was the best thing about Les Miz
She was the closest sure thing tonight, & this is the speech she gives? It’s a laundry list.
I hope she doesn’t read that hubby’s been boffing a stripper in the Enquirer tomorrow morning.
Here are the popcorn girls. Did they start this last year, or has it been going on for longer?
We should have crabby snacks and homemades to pass around tonight, no?
Semper fine!
Two hours in, tied for the lead:
Pi & Miz at 2 each.
Sandra Bullock presents Best Editing, the award my film school mentor said was the indicator of the real Best Picture (and it often has been):
Argo.
We’ll see.
Veddy interhehstingk.
Hey!! Your mentor is spot on!!
Jennifer Lawrence — in her wedding dress (eh, it’s gorgeous) — intros Adele, who’s here to sing the Best Song winner (probably) from Skyfall.
Note: Jennifer and Jessica are fine actresses but are Teh Suck at awards show intros.
“… in her wedding dress.” Don’t tell Kit. He’ll be crushed.
Shut up.
You’re right. Hush myself!!!
They need to turn up Adele’s mic!
Ugh. I hate what the back-up singers are wearing — tuxedo pant waders??
Culottes?
Adele: it is the Oscars. The dress shoulda been floor-length.
It’s culotte-length.
Maybe I’d like this song better in the movie theater.
It was weak. I haven’t seen Skyfall … yet.
Skyfall is great- easily one of the top five Bond films. See it.
Nicole Kidman intro’s Silver Linings, Django Unchained, and Amour.
Of all the nom’s I’ve seen, Silver Linings Playbook is my favorite.
except the Christian themes in Twilight and Harry Potter — asshole.
But there were Jew jokes and the slave joke, so ignorant but at least balanced (for once) IMHO.
Ooh, Seth! A Christian Right slam!!
That’s okay, dude. None of them give a shit what you think.
Daniel Radcliffe & Kristen Stewart with Production Design:
Lincoln.
Over 2 hours in, and the streak is broken (I mean the Lincoln one, not the conservative-bashing one).
Salma Hayek intros the Governors Awards:
Hal Needham
DA Pennebaker
George Stevens Jr
Jeff Katzenberg
Salami? I could say something, but …
You already did.
Man, I always thought these awards were very special parts of the Oscars ceremony. An embrace of Hollywood history.
Glad to see that Young Hollywood (and middle-aged Hollywood) looked to be in attendance.
I remember weeping at Fellini’s speech.
Oh well. Maybe they’ve YTd the Governors’ ceremony.
George Clooney, also in a Ben Affleck beard, for the In Memoriam montage.
I thought that was Santa Claus for a second.
A few THs of the dead speaking for themselves.
Ohhh. I wondered why Streisand was going to be here; should have guessed.
They showed Marvin Hamlisch at the end of the tribute. She came out humming the theme of “The Way We Were”, and is saying a few words about him before breaking into the song.
While Babs sings, has anyone heard that her step-son and Diane Lane are calling it quits? (I threw in a little Hedda for old time’s sake).
Ms. Lane, aka so many from my generation’s Jennifer Lawrence. Screw the rest of Argo, where’s my copy of The Outsiders?
Cherry Valance.
She had refused to sing this for the ceremony the year it was nominated. At the last moment she said she’d do it, but they’d already got — memory escapes me — another singer.
Peggy Lee. I looked it up.
Chicago’s Gere, Zellweger, Latifah, Zeta-Jones presenting Best Score:
Life of Pi.
Wow, pulling ahead!
Best Song:
from Skyfall.
Two nominees didn’t get the shot to perform live, because Seth Macfarlane was doing it, so we get prerecorded.
Norah Jones sings the fifth nominated song.
Ted: Well, you know I’m not a hot half-Muslim chick who sold over 37 million records, but I’m hanging in there.
Norah Jones: Well, half-Indian, but… thanks.
Ted: Hey, whatever. Thanks for 9/11.
Adele is tonight’s first onstage crier.
Made me like her more.
And her official gown is floor-length.
A bored but beautiful Denzel.
Dustin Hoffman & Charlize Theron present the writing awards.
Adapted Screenplay:
Argo.
The writer makes a pitch for solving problems “non-violently”.
Good idea. I hope the on-the-run al Qaeda is watching tonight.
Original Screenplay:
Django Unchained.
I remember when Tarantino won for Pulp Fiction. His co-writer had nothing but nasty things to say about that whole experience.
The theme for GWTW started playing. But they stopped it.
Well, dammit. So much for proxy-win of the night going to Kyle Chandler if Zero Dark Thirty had gotten Original Screenplay.
Oh — because they thought he was done.
QT gave a good speech… classy. Who knew??
The coke wore off.
I’m guessing Tarantino didn’t use his “black” voice.
That was so pathetic.
Mikey has good hair.
Averaging 8 awards per hour.
Jane Fonda & Michael Douglas for Best Director:
Ang Lee for Life of Pi.
*jaw drops*
Michael looks good. Recovered.
Jane looks good. Replastered.
She can never spackle that place where a soul should be.
Her ex-step-son blames her
blow jobsfor turning Ted Sr. left.Comment o’ the night — nice, Spackler (non-Carl)!
Life of Pi is out in front by 2 (4 awards) over everyone else.
Three to go.
I’m liking Seth.
“Will [Best Actress] be Quvenzhané Wallis, who’s 9, or Emmanuelle Riva, who was 9 when this show began?”
– in the running for Macfarlane’s Joke of the Night.
I can’t stand Quvenzhané Wallis. She was hideous on the red carpet.
Jean Dujardin* with Best Actress:
Jennifer Lawrence.
*best-looking man onstage tonight.
Who tripped over her dress & fell on the steps.
Her fall was in keeping with her Silver Linings character.
Kit was right.
Along with 9 out every 10 prognosticators.
He’s the only one who counts ‘cuz he’s going to marry her. Just ask him.
Meryl Streep with Best Actor:
Daniel Day-Lewis.
Meh.
Eh. I don’t care how brilliant he was. I’m actually a socialist where awards are concerned, and would have loved to have seen someone else get this one.
But, he’s the funniest of the acting winners.
Jack Nicholson, who was Clooney before Clooney was Clooney, with Best PIcture:
and Michelle Obama.
NOW I’M GOING TO PUKE.
NOW I”M GOING TO PUKE.
Michelle Obama? Dafuq?
You’ll have to hear about her speech from someone else.
I muted the TV.
I’m thisclose to turning it off.
Annnnnnnd rewinding to watch Day-Lewis’ kick-ass and endearing acceptance speech.
Oh crap. Mrs. ubama needs to concentrate on regulating trans fat popcorn, Milk Duds, Junior Mints, and Red Vines at the concession stand.
Yeah. Muted again.
Argo.
Oh, the delicious irony of an Obama announcing Argo.
I am so glad Argo is best pic, Glooney aside.
Nice director plugs!! Way to go!
Note that this WH has to get their f***ing fingers in every pie.
They are the Zelig[s] of this country.
Oh, and a “Goodnight and Good Luck” reunion. The liberal circle-jerk is complete.
So you’re saying they Argofucked themselves?
Awards pretty evenly split, though Beasts of the Southern Wild and The Master were blanked.
Life of Pi got the most, with 4.
Good night, all.
Goodnight and good luck! It’s been a very awarding experience.
Wow, that was a lot of work – thanks, Wankette!!