Coitus Shooteruptus

As I’ve mentioned on here in the past, for some inexplicable reason a lot of the weird news that comes out of Western Washington comes out of Everett (a working-class suburb north of Seattle that Boeing put on the map). Call it the Florida of my neck of the woods, if you will. At any rate, I offer example #12,378 of this phenomenon: a prostitute in Everett found a rather unique and violent way of letting her John know that he was bad in bed:

A prostitute has been accused of shooting a man in the head twice because he was performing oral sex on her the wrong way and she did not know how to tell him.

After allegedly shooting him, [Marissa] Wallen is said to have stolen the man’s wallet and used his credit cards.

Police say she spent $12,000 of his money before she was caught.

Upon being caught, the prostitute, who was apparently a regular visitor to the 36 year-old man’s house, confessed to shooting him and when asked for her motive, cited the man’s previously-mentioned lack of oral prowess.

Amazingly, the man survived his injuries and is currently recovering in the hospital. Hopefully he has learned his lesson not to hire any more prostitutes, or at least up his game a bit.

She is being held on charges of first degree assault, first degree robbery and identity theft in the first degree and her bail has been set at $1million.

Police say she told them to contact one of her other customers to bail her out which has not yet happened.

Yeah, it’s truly shocking that her clients aren’t rushing to bail her out, considering she thanks them for their business with multiple gunshots to the head.

All kidding aside, regardless of what anyone tells you, hiring a sex worker is like playing with fire. Leftists, particularly those of the feminist variety, are incredibly zealous about destigmatizing the prostitution business, and their Hollywood/pop culture allies love to portray sex workers as either nymphs with a heart of gold or empowered badasses. But the reality is, they are thoroughly damaged people, emotional Molotov cocktails of child abuse, drug addiction and self-loathing. They need to be either helped or left alone. Inviting one into your house isn’t just asking for trouble, it’s begging for it…with your pants down. If using another human being for sex is worth that risk to you, then good luck with that!

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