Yesterday, I wrote about Maureen Dowd’s plagiarism of a blog post, and then almost immediately I found a few examples of writing that was so good I wanted to steal the words. It’s funny how often, immediately after castigating someone, you discover that you’re liable to do the same thing. Hands up whoever’s mixed up “its” and “it’s” while making fun of someone else’s grammar. See? It’s kind of like that.
Not that I’d ever sink to Dowd’s level. I’d only steal the good stuff. Honestly, if you’re going to pass off another’s writing as your own, why on earth would you risk ruining your professional reputation for this?
More and more the timeline is raising the question of why, if the torture was to prevent terrorist attacks, it seemed to happen mainly during the period when we were looking for what was essentially political information to justify the invasion of Iraq.
It’s workmanlike enough, I suppose, but cumbersome. There’s nothing admirable about it, is there? It certainly doesn’t leave me saying, “I wish I’d said that!”
In contrast, would any of you blame me for stealing something from James Lileks? Here’s what he wrote yesterday in describing his struggle to assemble a gazebo from a kit:
More screw-screwing. The phrase “as finely machined as a Chinese nut” does not come to mind for most people, and there’s a reason.
There’s a reason people visit “The Bleat” every day, and it’s gems like that.
Next up is Kurt Schlichter at Big Hollywood. First, look at this man’s biography:
Kurt Schlichter is a former stand-up comic and comedy writer. A civilian trial lawyer whose work has included entertainment issues, he spent over 20 years in the Army on active duty and in the National Guard, rising to the rank of lieutenant colonel and commanding the elite 1st Squadron, 18th Cavalry. He also served in both Desert Storm and in Operation Enduring Freedom in Kosovo.
He’s a comedian/warrior/trial lawyer. Does he don a mask and cape and roam the pre-dawn streets of Gotham? I have to assume so.
He’s also a hell of a writer:
How about the traditional networks? I’m not even sure that NBC has news anymore. The audience for the CBS Evening News is getting so wizened that a recent survey revealed that the majority of its elderly viewers consider Murder, She Wrote reruns ‘too edgy.” And their news department had the most efficient business model too – why pay to gather real news when you can just make it up? By the way, was that Dan Rather I saw ranting on one of those weird networks at the far end of the cable box, between the channel running 24-hour a day Hummel figurine sales and the one devoted to large and loving it women?
Now, if I remember correctly, about 53% of voters voted for the President. Well, there’s no disputing that American journalism serves that chunk of the audience. Their fawning subservience to those in presently in power is even starting to creep out President Obama. “Most of you covered me; all of you voted for me,” he told his audience of tingle-legged supplicants. The audience seemed to miss the point, which is that they have abandoned their cherished no-holds barred objectivity and that he now owns them body and soul. Maybe I misunderstood from the assembled journalists’ delight, but isn’t that what the hip kids today call a “dis?”
And finally, from Robert Brockway (one of the maniacs at “Cracked”) comes a collection of journal entries from “Lost” characters*:
Another Stunning Entry in Jack’s Personal Journal of Extreme Significance,
I’m beginning to worry about morale here on the island. At first, everybody was really all about our emotional connections with each other and banding together, but now it just feels like they’re phoning it in. I tried talking to Sawyer about our conflicting feelings for Kate, but he told me that he couldn’t “give a flying f*** at the moon,” about my feelings and that I should get back to him when I “know what that damn smoke monster is.” I tried telling him that the so-called “smoke monster” is really a metaphor for our inner darkness clouding our ability to love, but he just punched me in the chest until I fell unconscious. Doesn’t anybody care about my emotions anymore?
I’m not sure if I liked my daddy or not! THIS IS IMPORTANT.
If you don’t watch “Lost,” you’ll just have to trust me: that’s funny.
So, those are just a few suggestions if you’d like to take a break from Threedonia and check out some, you know, good writing.
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*DO NOT click this link if you’ll be upset by swear words!
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. -Albert Einstein
Quite a few of late, have not learned this lesson. So, go for it Rufus. At this point in the history of humanity, there are no new ideas. Why do you think we feel such angst toward the left, realizing that their plan for a “new” socialism will fall flat on it’s face, as it always has before?
Glad to hear Cracked getting some love here. Their daily lists are insightful and frequently hilarious. Take this gem from today’s list, talking about The China Syndrome coming out at the same time as the Three Mile Island accident:
“It was later discovered that very little radiation had in fact leaked out and that nobody was at risk of turning into mutants. But America has never let an absence of any real threat ruin a good panic and the nation spent most of 1979 freaking the hell out about the dangers of nuclear power. The effects were devastating for the mental health of the local community, but it was all aces for Hollywood. The China Syndrome capitalized on the similarities between the two events and swept up at the box office.”
“Cracked” is the one mass-appeal humor site that seems pretty even-handed. I gave up on “The Onion” about a month ago.
Yes… the bigger sin is stealing crap. Crikey… if you’re gonna plagiarize at least plagiarize Hitchens, Steyn, and the ones you’ve listed here. Not only is she a thief — she has no taste.
That’s who I plagiarize, dammit. Of course, people wonder why some snot-nosed redneck from Ohio has the snooty English intellectual tone straight from Oxford. They don’t teach dat dare style at community college.
Why Richard, it profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world… but for Wales?
Sad part is that it’s so easy to give a list of credits. There is no shame in quoting someone, except claiming the idea as your own!
I don’t watch Lost and that was funny! HAHAHAHAHAHA!