Abner Somebody... Abner Normal

Joshua Lee Long (26) of Penn Township, PA

With the thoughts he’ll be thinkin’ he could be another Lincoln… If he only had a brain! Oh wait.

When police showed up at a vacant trailer-home in Penn Township, Pa., last month, neighbor Pat Beck was worried something might be wrong.

Their presence seemed even […]

Tumblr Dumblr: Orientation Confusion Edition

Repeat after me: sexual orientation is set in stone at birth, and any attempt to change it is homophobic bigotry.

…wait, what?

Well, golly gee whiz, what are we to make of this mystery, Scooby?

It couldn’t possibly be that some of these out-and-proud LGTBQHASDFGJLWXYZ warriors are just going through an impressionable and […]

Hold The Cream, Please

In keeping with this weekend’s apparent theme of gross news out of Europe, a Swiss firm has announced it plans to open a “Cafe Fellatio” in Geneva this year. And it’s not just a clever name, either.

Modelled on similar establishments in Thailand, the proposed Geneva café would add a new dimension to the […]

Yeah...wait, what?

“Love is love”. So very progressive:

I’m Chris Hansen. Why don’t you take a seat over here?

h/t Imgur

It’s Usually Sausage

Ready for smuggling!

Mmmm… Is that maple bacon? NOOOOOO:

Customs officers at the Hamad International Airport, in the Qatari capital, have arrested a Yemeni man attempting to smuggle more than 12 kilograms (27 lbs) of sliced bacon hidden in his anal cavity.

53-year old Abd al Rahman Shamoun, was spotted by a specially trained […]

Fifteen yards, unsportsmanlike conduct

Franco Harris’ “Tiananmen Square” moment, blocking a mini-van filled with Penn State Board of Trustees members, circa 2012.

Franco Harris recently received the Lion’s Paw award from the Penn State Lion’s Paw association. Great honor from the group, a collection of people who think enough of someone of Franco’s stature, a Nittany Lion and […]

Now He’s Intestate

An Australian woman has received permission to remove her dead partner’s testicles. From The Daily Mail: A woman has won a legal battle to remove her late partner’s testicles from his dead body in the hope of using his sperm to have a child.

The Toowoomba woman was granted permission to remove his testicles […]

Our earthly rulers falter ...

chimpsmacky

Rejoice, haters! After the latest revelations from a 1987 accuser, FramingPaterno.com soon to be closing up shop.

“I know Joe Paterno ordered Sandusky to do this to me,” Accuser “VT” continued, “because I remember seeing text messages from Paterno to Sandusky instructing him to make sure I was under extreme pressure all night. […]

Bananas Foster... Immorality

I predict China will see an uptick in the sales of plantains and corn dogs. From the BBC:

New regulations mean that live-streaming sites must monitor all their output round-the-clock to ensure nothing untoward is going on, keeping an eye out for any “erotic” banana-eating, according to New Express Daily. It’s not just fruit […]

Stop! Hold on … stay in control.

Sure, it may seem difficult to envision Bruce Springsteen and Bryan Adams, two of the 80s biggest working class hero songwriters, worthy of the task of looking out for the best interests of 21st century boys wishing they were girls (or vice versa), but damned if their respective boycotts of North Carolina and Mississippi over […]