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Wow, this sounds really, really bad. From Kyle Smith via ACEof Spades After all of Hollywood’s Iraq movies have flopped (even the Oscar-garlanded “The Hurt Locker” earned only $15 million at the box office), one studio thinks it has the following secret to success: The previous films didn’t insult the United States enough. I wasn’t planning on seeing Matty’s new flick The Green Zone in any case, but Kyle Smith pretty much confirms my suspicions. I can’t believe what I just saw, so I’ll think about it some more before I go into detail. But if I were the kind of excitable guy who believes in boycotts, [...] February and Ohio coincide with “movie time,” that rare period of the year where one gathers constantly in front of the glowing tubes in one’s family room. Not because of a plethora of quality product descending from Hollywood (maybe in spite of it), but because of the foot and a half of nature’s white depressant [...] The buffoon sitting in front of you at the movie theater too often lets you know what he thinks of the film in question. “Dude … there’s no way that car can make a jump like that …” or, “Man, De Niro looks old, sorta like my Uncle Phil after his hernia operation.” Film critics often hold [...] The whole list from Yahoo. Not too many surprises, other than “District 9″ getting a Best Picture and Jeremy Renner for Best Actor. 1. Best Picture: “Avatar,” “The Blind Side,” “District 9,” “An Education,” “The Hurt Locker,” “Inglourious Basterds,” “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire,” “A Serious Man,” “Up,” “Up in the Air.” 2. Actor: [...] Remember that seven-part review of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace? He’s back and reviewing Avatar. Share on Facebook At one point in Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds, Brad Pitt (fresh from carving up a Nazi forehead) points his eyes through the camera and at the audience. To paraphrase: “This may be my masterpiece.” Whether or not this is Tarantino’s penultimate directorial moment won’t be determined for a while, at least if the director continues [...] Yeah, Roger Ebert is a left wing loon. But I greatly enjoyed him and Gene Siskel during their At the Movies days. I remember reading something Mr. Ebert wrote, I think it was the first time I was in Iraq (2004-05), about the war and the way things were going at the time. Needless [...] This was posted earlier in the week at Christian Toto’s site. Early in David Zucker’s An American Carol, we’re offered the protagonist Michael Malone, professional film-maker and rabble-rouser, with his heart in the wrong place at the wrong time. Zucker, being the smart guy he is, realized a two-dimensional portrayal of Malone (a stand in for [...] The slasher film got a rude awakening in 2009. These crude horror romps ruled the genre in the ’80s, even if most of them would have to strain to reach the level of mediocrity. In 2009, films like “Sorority Row” and “Halloween II” showed horror fans may not be interested in the genre anymore. So what do they [...] Floyd Here: We’ve gotten together with our favorite movie reviewer Christian Toto (outside of our blogfather) to mirror some of his content. We feel it’s mutually beneficial. Christian may soon feel otherwise. Needless to say what follows is from Christian Toto. In the future when you see “What Would Toto Watch?” post titles they will [...] Ho, ho, ho. And since I’m another year older, here’s another list. Merry Christmas, especially to our friends and co-bloggers overseas. 1. Thank You For Smoking: Maybe I didn’t get the joke, but a thoroughly libertarian take on personal behavior and societal haranguing of rights and responsibilities. Aaron Eckhart blasts off as a tobacco lobbyist, struggling [...] A mixed bag of a year, to say the least. Some gems and surprises here and there, but the big budget films stunk up the place, especially in the wake of Iron Man, The Dark Knight and Tropic Thunder. Here’s to a bright and cheerful 2010. Keep in mind, due to a hectic schedule, my movie [...] (trzupr here: big bro Stosh checks in with a guest top five, which – as you will see – is actually a top seven. But, as we have learned in recent weeks, having a PhD stapled behind your name doesn’t mean you can actually count). What are the top 5 movies about your homeplace? Probably a [...] …which I’ll get to, right after the midnight showing… Here’s a redux of my “Early, Girly” review of Twilight. My first 3D post! Ahhh, good times: By the time the average boy is thirteen, he has a pretty good idea what’s going on and why below his belt buckle. He’s constantly forced to interact [...] Threedonia reviewed Star Trek’s return to the big screen early in the summer. Here’s that review in honor of this week’s DVD release. Was it The Dark Knight? No, but it certainly wasn’t crap. William Shatner’s opening bombardment in his infamous Saturday Night Live skit was a proper summation of the utter geekery that is the [...]
In June, I reviewed Pixar’s latest film Up. In honor of the recent DVD release, here is that review. What a wonderful place the Pixar studio must be. Imagine a giant floating factory, with kaleidoscope walls, three or four giant helicopter propellers, and a big slide meandering from the top [...] Back in the mid-90s, video games progressed to the point where storylines could give players a cinematic experience. Turn it on, and become a buxom brunette treasure hunter alla Tomb Raider, or sneak around 1800s Japan offing badies as a ninja in Tenchu Stealth Assassins. My, how the world changed. Movies, which once hinged on [...] Somewhere, in between explosions, John Turturro is in the middle of a discussion with robot Jetfire (who happened to be the best Christmas present I ever received). Trying to get to the nuts and bolts of Michael Bay’s epic toy story Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Turturro lets this loose: Let’s not get episodic, okay, old-timer? [...] I doubt when this flick was given the big pitch to the studio it was referenced as Pearl Harbor without, you know, Pearl Harbor. In a just world, the meeting would have ended there. Maybe this is a decent movie, maybe it isn’t, but we have all the pieces of a bomb in the making. Dueling [...] Push the button, Max! This one isn’t playing in theaters but I’ve been meaning to do a write-up on it ever since re-watching it with the Firefly family last summer. When we watch movies as a family I sometimes interject and insist we watch something that I remember fondly from my childhood. Sometimes it’s [...] Inspired by Mr. Porvaznik’s comment at What Would Toto Watch – just what are the greatest stoner performances of all time? Don’t ask me, man, but here are my favorite. 1. Brad Pitt in True Romance: What movie defined the 90s? Tony Scott’s True Romance. Penned by Quentin Tarantino, the film featured goody after goody: Christian [...] I stumbled across “Warlock” on AMC a few years ago and was surprised that I had never heard of this marvelous flick before. (Probably more my ignorance than anything). It’s a terrific western, with complex characters and rich themes. Warlock is also a morality play, one that interweaves a number of themes: loyalty, justice and [...] I’ll leave legitimate movie reviews to guys like Nolte and Toto. My review: if you haven’t figured out that North By Northwest is a classic, you should either apply for a lobotomy (aka: register as a Democrat) or move to France. Visually, it was magnificent. My daughter and I saw the remastered version on I-Max and [...] The possibility of it being another Taken, Gerard Butler’s recent attempt at starring in every movie released this fall – Law Abiding Citizen – looked the part of revenge thriller with a twist. The one film I was looking forward to amongst recent releases (at least until Pirate Radio comes out), but Threedonia friend and [...] Some I’ve seen before. One made me wish I was blind. The last and latest five. 1. Better Off Dead: And the award for “Best Use of a Classic Van Halen Tune off the Women and Children First Album” is currently being decided by the soon-to-be-released Zombieland and this “Savage Steve Holland” classic. John Cusack’s best [...] This man appears to be watching 'Gigli.' Although it may be 'Glitter.' Rotten Tomatoes has compiled a list of 100 films they consider to be the worst of the last ten years. The fact that I haven’t seen any of these movies does not speak to my ability to sniff out a stinker, but more to [...] Lists of movie misconceptions are long. Ask anyone their favorite “bad movie,” Road House is often given epic consideration. The problem is – it’s not a bad movie. The film is one long white trash (and I say that as a member of what Jeff Foxworthy would call the crowd with an absence of sophistication) fantasy [...] For days, I thought about my 9-11 tribute post and what it would be. My initial thoughts were to repost a column I wrote for my newspaper on the fifth anniversary – a column I titled the “Black Ghost.” In it I shared my own detached witness to the worst terrorist attack on U.S. soil. [...] 1. Rocky Balboa – A movie no one wanted made – and it shows. It’s flimsy and forced in spots. The budget was lighter than any since the first. It overcomes it all with a tremendous beating heart and Sylvester Stallone convincingly and lovingly putting himself back into a role he wears like a glove. Balboa [...] Bumped because anniversary celebration or not, it’s Christian Toto fercryin’outloud. Powered by Podbean.com Film critic extraordinaire Christian Toto returns to Radio Free Threedonia to wrap up the 2009 summer movie season in grand style. Sure, he’s admittedly one of the only critics in the world who hasn’t seen Up or G.I. Joe, but no matter. Good times [...] In the quest to send up every American cultural norm, next on the Hollywood list was the car dealer. The dealership is something familiar to everyone, at least outside New York. The corny commercials, the flair, the sales – all an experience best equated with severe rectal trauma – except for those few who [...] I just watched a documentary about the winningest baseball coach in NCAA history, Augie Garrido. If you are a baseball fan you owe it to yourself to watch this. I can only wish that I had a coach like coach Garrido. It is obvious to me while watching this flim that there is a reason [...] Star Trek’s voyage to “boldly go” would have came to an abrupt halt if not for Nicholas Meyer and Harve Bennett. The two rescued the franchise from the depths of space socialism and mediocrity. Gene Roddenberry’s human experiment, one he created for TV to much cultish fanfare, would have never cut the mustard at the theater [...] In honor of Watchmen’s release on DVD, here’s my review of the film back in March. ———————————– Who watches the Watchmen? In some ways, the question should be who would want to. Nihilistic beyond nihilistic, Zack Snyder’s adaption of Alan Moore’s 80s graphic novel is a visual piece of art, examining the sordid entrails of the human condition. [...] Movieguide’s Dr. Ted Baehr braves the occasionally bawdy RF3D waters for show number 16. Sorry, almost forgot we’re on Roman standard here — XVI. Turning in one of the few positive reviews of Terminator Salvation, Dr. Baehr also relates a recent development in which the New York Times endorsed his conservative and values-based Movieguide. Yes, [...] Many a movie, and a laugh, has been had at the expense of cannabis. Judd Apatow would be wise to quit smoking it before putting movies together. Pineapple Express is the latest in the stoner genre. Films, usually of the buddy variety, where the bong-hitting protagonists get into and out of mischief to varying levels of [...] Halfway through the summer season, here’s a look at my favorites for the year. 1. Up: Who would have thought, a flick with a 78-year-old protagonist and his overweight Boy Scout sidekick would end up the second-highest grossing Pixar movie of all time. Expertly crafted, with life lessons galore. A movie that makes one laugh and [...] Still waiting for Public Enemies and Transformers. Haven’t gotten to the theater yet, but please forgive since I’ve been busy tending to my scholastic career. Hopefully by the time I make it some of our faithful readers still have some interest in a review. Anyway, the last five: The Horse Soldiers: Cavalry yarn with the Duke and [...] Yes Man, Jim Carrey’s return to his comic roots, rates as a definite maybe. Featuring a solid and talented cast, Carrey and sidekicks Bradley Cooper, Zooey Deschanel and Rhys Darby somehow make a meddling and mediocre script watchable. A film with an interesting premise, simplified to base standards, then tied to the taunting antics of Carrey, [...] Meant to catch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen by now, but the EGR valve on the FN-mobile went kaput, meaning an afternoon of scrapped knuckles, bloody fingers and greasy pants. With Public Enemies debuting tin two days, which film would the loyal Threedonia-ites care to read about first? Transformers? Public Enemies? I’m planning on something [...] Why do I continue to read The AV Club? They reviewed “The Stoning of Soraya M.” today. Say what you will about The Stoning Of Soraya M.: Here’s a movie that definitely delivers on its title. In fact, the title speaks perfectly to the film’s blunt, ham-handed, morally unambiguous treatment of injustice in the wake of [...] The only thing better than a good movie is a film review for a bad one. I’ll share my review in the coming days, in the mean time here’s quotes from some of the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Michelle Alexandria – Eclipse Magazine. One of the worst film going experiences I’ve [...] “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is released in theaters today. There were two ways Michael Bay could go about his new blockbuster – the first half of “Transformers,” which was surprisingly good, coherent, and relied on solid storytelling. Or the second half, which was a blistering CGI clusterf**** that could render a trapeze artist with [...] Somewhere in Hollywood lies a gated mansion where all the cool kids hang out – it’s the Comedy Pantheon, and on the right you see “Caddyshack,” on the left “Animal House” and “Blazing Saddles is somewhere in the back. There’s a ring at the door and in comes stumbling is this unexpected movie from 2009, [...] |
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