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MOVIES THAT RUINED THE WORLD: Rounders (1998) The Movie John Dahl’s “Rounders” survives on the breadth of a supporting cast that carries much more heft than its leads, or its flimsy and flawed script. Still, this myth-making ode to poker hits enough right notes and is indelibly entertaining. Share on Facebook What movies have made the culture a worse place? Not necessarily on their own, but through their machinations through culture, or through audience reaction, or through their influence on cinema? That’s a question I asked myself, and thought I would answer in a new series I hope to continue throughout the Fall – Movies That [...] With one of the most dismal summer movie seasons on record, it’s time to pay tribute to the DVD and cable television gods. Turner Classic Movies, American Movie Classics – you are our friends in a time of need. 1. Mister Roberts – It’s a bit hyperbole to use the word heroism, but there is courage [...] One of the few good things about the Burbank Little League season ending, and my umping mask being put in the closet till next Spring, is that I have a lot more time to watch movies (God forbid I actually read a book). As we wait to see what fairly new proud papa JohnFN’s seen [...] Twilight is here. Given the vampiric abominations screen debut is this weekend (what happened to the July 4th movie holiday?), I wish I could offer some witty, erudite, curmudgeonly quote to cut the teeners and the heartthrobs down to pieces, but nothing I offer could surpass this line from Kyle Smith about New Moon. The supposed [...] Whatever director-writer Joe Carnahan’s plan was for his remake of the 80s television series The A-Team, it didn’t come together. Stuck in the development dungeon for the better part of 10 years, The A-Team feels as if it were pieced together in 10 minutes from 10 different scripts. Nowhere is this more apparent then the ridiculous [...] In the latest installment of Turn It Up Tuesday, had some fun calling Little Steven to the curb, albeit 25 years after the fact, over not knowing (or caring) about the United States’ many instrumental roles in bringing goodness to the world’s occasional evil. Now, however, after finally seeing From Paris with Love, the “why [...] When Tony Stark delivers his opening speech in Iron Man 2, one wonders if the actor is talking about the character or vice-versa. “Emerging from a cave … like the phoenix …” it’s all tongue-in-cheek, boisterous and as fun as one would expect from Downey’s Stark – a tribute to masculinity, testosterone, heroics – and [...] If I'm battling the cops, all I would take is a football helmet and a leather jacket. Christian Toto has been espousing the greatness of Mel Brooks at his erstwhile site, but he’s missed the real comic genius of the last 40 years – Bill Ayers. Ayers, Bernadine Dohrn and the rest of the lovable, funable, [...] Who is Tony Stark? Will that be the chant ringing in the streets? Jon Favereau’s treatment of everyone’s favorite billionaire super-hero has all the touches of an Ayn Rand novel, all right, but it’s the Robert Downey Jr. connection to Tony Stark that is the most intriguing in the extremely fun, sharp and smart follow-up to [...] There’s little left to be said of Avatar – James Cameron’s opus to one-dimensional characters, two-dimensional plot and three-dimensional video games – that hasn’t been said by others, but indulge me. Nolte, Toto and Smith – our erstwhile triumvirate of conservative film critics – have touched on the film as a whole. Red Letter Media [...] Mr. Porvaznik is working on his own list, but in the mean time, here’s the last five from myself – in between poopy diapers, Spanish exams and the doldrums of winter sports writing. 1. Goodbye, Mr. Chips (1939): Endearing, inspiring, gut-wrenching – all within the first handful of minutes. There’s much to love – what a good [...] Alexandra Pelosi’s drab, badly-produced and hackneyed documentary about right-wing America in the wake of the 2008 election is beyond parody. The film is so needlessly simplistic, stereotypical and thoughtless only someone created in the most vapid and shallow environment, say the family of the Speaker of the House, could believe it to be taken serious. [...] While Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes is entertaining enough, smart enough and performed well with all the big-budget studio bluster at its disposal, if you felt you saw this movie before it’s because you have. Credit this to the – pardon the pun – rather “elementary” film-making styles of contemporary Hollywood. Victorian super-sleuth Sherlock Holmes, one of [...] The snow has melted, spring is in the air, along with a promise of hot and humid days inside the cold, comfortable cineplex. This year’s slate? Not exactly 1939, but bits and pieces here and there may make it enjoyable. Hopefully no “robot testicles” this year. 1. Iron Man 2: Robert Downey Jr. can do no [...] Wow, this sounds really, really bad. From Kyle Smith via ACEof Spades After all of Hollywood’s Iraq movies have flopped (even the Oscar-garlanded “The Hurt Locker” earned only $15 million at the box office), one studio thinks it has the following secret to success: The previous films didn’t insult the United States enough. I wasn’t planning on seeing Matty’s new flick The Green Zone in any case, but Kyle Smith pretty much confirms my suspicions. I can’t believe what I just saw, so I’ll think about it some more before I go into detail. But if I were the kind of excitable guy who believes in boycotts, [...] February and Ohio coincide with “movie time,” that rare period of the year where one gathers constantly in front of the glowing tubes in one’s family room. Not because of a plethora of quality product descending from Hollywood (maybe in spite of it), but because of the foot and a half of nature’s white depressant [...] The buffoon sitting in front of you at the movie theater too often lets you know what he thinks of the film in question. “Dude … there’s no way that car can make a jump like that …” or, “Man, De Niro looks old, sorta like my Uncle Phil after his hernia operation.” Film critics often hold [...] The whole list from Yahoo. Not too many surprises, other than “District 9″ getting a Best Picture and Jeremy Renner for Best Actor. 1. Best Picture: “Avatar,” “The Blind Side,” “District 9,” “An Education,” “The Hurt Locker,” “Inglourious Basterds,” “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire,” “A Serious Man,” “Up,” “Up in the Air.” 2. Actor: [...] Remember that seven-part review of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace? He’s back and reviewing Avatar. Share on Facebook At one point in Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds, Brad Pitt (fresh from carving up a Nazi forehead) points his eyes through the camera and at the audience. To paraphrase: “This may be my masterpiece.” Whether or not this is Tarantino’s penultimate directorial moment won’t be determined for a while, at least if the director continues [...] Yeah, Roger Ebert is a left wing loon. But I greatly enjoyed him and Gene Siskel during their At the Movies days. I remember reading something Mr. Ebert wrote, I think it was the first time I was in Iraq (2004-05), about the war and the way things were going at the time. Needless [...] This was posted earlier in the week at Christian Toto’s site. Early in David Zucker’s An American Carol, we’re offered the protagonist Michael Malone, professional film-maker and rabble-rouser, with his heart in the wrong place at the wrong time. Zucker, being the smart guy he is, realized a two-dimensional portrayal of Malone (a stand in for [...] The slasher film got a rude awakening in 2009. These crude horror romps ruled the genre in the ’80s, even if most of them would have to strain to reach the level of mediocrity. In 2009, films like “Sorority Row” and “Halloween II” showed horror fans may not be interested in the genre anymore. So what do they [...] Floyd Here: We’ve gotten together with our favorite movie reviewer Christian Toto (outside of our blogfather) to mirror some of his content. We feel it’s mutually beneficial. Christian may soon feel otherwise. Needless to say what follows is from Christian Toto. In the future when you see “What Would Toto Watch?” post titles they will [...] Ho, ho, ho. And since I’m another year older, here’s another list. Merry Christmas, especially to our friends and co-bloggers overseas. 1. Thank You For Smoking: Maybe I didn’t get the joke, but a thoroughly libertarian take on personal behavior and societal haranguing of rights and responsibilities. Aaron Eckhart blasts off as a tobacco lobbyist, struggling [...] A mixed bag of a year, to say the least. Some gems and surprises here and there, but the big budget films stunk up the place, especially in the wake of Iron Man, The Dark Knight and Tropic Thunder. Here’s to a bright and cheerful 2010. Keep in mind, due to a hectic schedule, my movie [...] (trzupr here: big bro Stosh checks in with a guest top five, which – as you will see – is actually a top seven. But, as we have learned in recent weeks, having a PhD stapled behind your name doesn’t mean you can actually count). What are the top 5 movies about your homeplace? Probably a [...] …which I’ll get to, right after the midnight showing… Here’s a redux of my “Early, Girly” review of Twilight. My first 3D post! Ahhh, good times: By the time the average boy is thirteen, he has a pretty good idea what’s going on and why below his belt buckle. He’s constantly forced to interact [...] Threedonia reviewed Star Trek’s return to the big screen early in the summer. Here’s that review in honor of this week’s DVD release. Was it The Dark Knight? No, but it certainly wasn’t crap. William Shatner’s opening bombardment in his infamous Saturday Night Live skit was a proper summation of the utter geekery that is the [...]
In June, I reviewed Pixar’s latest film Up. In honor of the recent DVD release, here is that review. What a wonderful place the Pixar studio must be. Imagine a giant floating factory, with kaleidoscope walls, three or four giant helicopter propellers, and a big slide meandering from the top [...] Back in the mid-90s, video games progressed to the point where storylines could give players a cinematic experience. Turn it on, and become a buxom brunette treasure hunter alla Tomb Raider, or sneak around 1800s Japan offing badies as a ninja in Tenchu Stealth Assassins. My, how the world changed. Movies, which once hinged on [...] Somewhere, in between explosions, John Turturro is in the middle of a discussion with robot Jetfire (who happened to be the best Christmas present I ever received). Trying to get to the nuts and bolts of Michael Bay’s epic toy story Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Turturro lets this loose: Let’s not get episodic, okay, old-timer? [...] I doubt when this flick was given the big pitch to the studio it was referenced as Pearl Harbor without, you know, Pearl Harbor. In a just world, the meeting would have ended there. Maybe this is a decent movie, maybe it isn’t, but we have all the pieces of a bomb in the making. Dueling [...] Push the button, Max! This one isn’t playing in theaters but I’ve been meaning to do a write-up on it ever since re-watching it with the Firefly family last summer. When we watch movies as a family I sometimes interject and insist we watch something that I remember fondly from my childhood. Sometimes it’s [...] Inspired by Mr. Porvaznik’s comment at What Would Toto Watch – just what are the greatest stoner performances of all time? Don’t ask me, man, but here are my favorite. 1. Brad Pitt in True Romance: What movie defined the 90s? Tony Scott’s True Romance. Penned by Quentin Tarantino, the film featured goody after goody: Christian [...] I stumbled across “Warlock” on AMC a few years ago and was surprised that I had never heard of this marvelous flick before. (Probably more my ignorance than anything). It’s a terrific western, with complex characters and rich themes. Warlock is also a morality play, one that interweaves a number of themes: loyalty, justice and [...] I’ll leave legitimate movie reviews to guys like Nolte and Toto. My review: if you haven’t figured out that North By Northwest is a classic, you should either apply for a lobotomy (aka: register as a Democrat) or move to France. Visually, it was magnificent. My daughter and I saw the remastered version on I-Max and [...] The possibility of it being another Taken, Gerard Butler’s recent attempt at starring in every movie released this fall – Law Abiding Citizen – looked the part of revenge thriller with a twist. The one film I was looking forward to amongst recent releases (at least until Pirate Radio comes out), but Threedonia friend and [...] Some I’ve seen before. One made me wish I was blind. The last and latest five. 1. Better Off Dead: And the award for “Best Use of a Classic Van Halen Tune off the Women and Children First Album” is currently being decided by the soon-to-be-released Zombieland and this “Savage Steve Holland” classic. John Cusack’s best [...] This man appears to be watching 'Gigli.' Although it may be 'Glitter.' Rotten Tomatoes has compiled a list of 100 films they consider to be the worst of the last ten years. The fact that I haven’t seen any of these movies does not speak to my ability to sniff out a stinker, but more to [...] Lists of movie misconceptions are long. Ask anyone their favorite “bad movie,” Road House is often given epic consideration. The problem is – it’s not a bad movie. The film is one long white trash (and I say that as a member of what Jeff Foxworthy would call the crowd with an absence of sophistication) fantasy [...] For days, I thought about my 9-11 tribute post and what it would be. My initial thoughts were to repost a column I wrote for my newspaper on the fifth anniversary – a column I titled the “Black Ghost.” In it I shared my own detached witness to the worst terrorist attack on U.S. soil. [...] |
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