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MOVIES THAT RUINED THE WORLD: Rounders (1998) The Movie John Dahl’s “Rounders” survives on the breadth of a supporting cast that carries much more heft than its leads, or its flimsy and flawed script. Still, this myth-making ode to poker hits enough right notes and is indelibly entertaining. Share on Facebook What movies have made the culture a worse place? Not necessarily on their own, but through their machinations through culture, or through audience reaction, or through their influence on cinema? That’s a question I asked myself, and thought I would answer in a new series I hope to continue throughout the Fall – Movies That [...] THE STATION AGENT (2003) It’s The Expendables week at Chez Porvaznik (yes, milady is almost as psyched to see it as I), and to get in the right frame of mind, alternating between Stallone and non-Sly 80s/early 90s action flicks. Fun walk down memory lane, too, often forgetting how cheese-tastically great the no-apologies dialogue was, notably this (edited for [...] 
If only current Hollywood could be this creative. Hey, Floyd, road trip to Las Vegas, NM, for the Convoy and Red Dawn screenings? Avenge me!!!!! Olly Moss was asked to create advertising images for nine of the shows on the upcoming 2010 Alamo Drafthouse / Levi’s Rolling Roadshow tour. This tour is going to be [...] Wanks, you couldn’t have picked a better day for your drive-in Top 5 — nice coincidence, too, with Floyd picking the great bad Good Guys Wear Black — as I took in a work buddy’s suggestion with The Car, a not-so-perfect-yet-harmless little product from what narrowly edges out the 80s as my favorite decade. James [...] SWIMMING WITH SHARKS (1994) 1994 being the year indies made such an impressive dent in Hollywood, surprised Kevin Spacey didn’t win something/anything bigger in the awards departments for [...] With one of the most dismal summer movie seasons on record, it’s time to pay tribute to the DVD and cable television gods. Turner Classic Movies, American Movie Classics – you are our friends in a time of need. 1. Mister Roberts – It’s a bit hyperbole to use the word heroism, but there is courage [...] One of the few good things about the Burbank Little League season ending, and my umping mask being put in the closet till next Spring, is that I have a lot more time to watch movies (God forbid I actually read a book). As we wait to see what fairly new proud papa JohnFN’s seen [...] AMERICAN SPLENDOR (2003) Paul Giamatti playing gloriously in-type and Hope Davis, well, not so much (but just as gloriously). Incredibly [...] Whatever director-writer Joe Carnahan’s plan was for his remake of the 80s television series The A-Team, it didn’t come together. Stuck in the development dungeon for the better part of 10 years, The A-Team feels as if it were pieced together in 10 minutes from 10 different scripts. Nowhere is this more apparent then the ridiculous [...] I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (1988) In the latest installment of Turn It Up Tuesday, had some fun calling Little Steven to the curb, albeit 25 years after the fact, over not knowing (or caring) about the United States’ many instrumental roles in bringing goodness to the world’s occasional evil. Now, however, after finally seeing From Paris with Love, the “why [...] The A-Team hits theaters tomorrow. So far, four negatives reviews to one positive at Rotten Tomatoes. Mr. and Mrs. FNWayne look to drop Little FNWayne at the Grandpa and Grandma FNWaynes so they can venture forth to the cineplex. Mrs. FNWayne likes Bradley Cooper, I like explosions and action. Share on Facebook Hello. I’m Eric Porvaznik and I love The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, not in a guilty pleasure kinda way either. Doesn’t take itself too seriously, has a rock and roll attitude (and genuine, knowledgeable love for rock and roll, along with a decent early 90s soundtrack including Billy Idol, Motley Crue, Sheila E, Tone Loc [...] All the talk of Midway and Tora! Tora! Tora! got me in the mood for some other WWII-era faves, both sci-fi/time-travel, and sadly neither of which are showing on the DirecTV lineup anytime soon (alas, for the days of Cleveland’s channel 43 or Youngstown’s channel 33, where b-movies reigned supreme in the pre-VHS era and [...] "Watch these brothers stick it to the Klan!" Home sick from work today, so a rare chance to get the jump on Floyd. Though I hope I don’t step on your toes, m’man, I highly doubt you’d make the same call: Brotherhood of Death. Unfortunately, this movie’s a prime example of its trailer being far, [...] Not everything about the Cubs is bad, Rich.
ROOKIE OF THE YEAR (1993) Figured Floyd would head [...] When Tony Stark delivers his opening speech in Iron Man 2, one wonders if the actor is talking about the character or vice-versa. “Emerging from a cave … like the phoenix …” it’s all tongue-in-cheek, boisterous and as fun as one would expect from Downey’s Stark – a tribute to masculinity, testosterone, heroics – and [...] ALL THE RIGHT MOVES (1983) A movie about small-town Pennsylvania’s [...] If I'm battling the cops, all I would take is a football helmet and a leather jacket. Christian Toto has been espousing the greatness of Mel Brooks at his erstwhile site, but he’s missed the real comic genius of the last 40 years – Bill Ayers. Ayers, Bernadine Dohrn and the rest of the lovable, funable, [...] Who is Tony Stark? Will that be the chant ringing in the streets? Jon Favereau’s treatment of everyone’s favorite billionaire super-hero has all the touches of an Ayn Rand novel, all right, but it’s the Robert Downey Jr. connection to Tony Stark that is the most intriguing in the extremely fun, sharp and smart follow-up to [...] There’s little left to be said of Avatar – James Cameron’s opus to one-dimensional characters, two-dimensional plot and three-dimensional video games – that hasn’t been said by others, but indulge me. Nolte, Toto and Smith – our erstwhile triumvirate of conservative film critics – have touched on the film as a whole. Red Letter Media [...] AUTHOR’S NOTE/EXCUSE: For far too long, I have procrastinated with writing this column. “Not the right time,” “It’ll look like I’m piggybacking so-and-so’s idea” (Ha! And like it would have been the first or last time doing that), “Eh, I’ll do it later” — all of those cop-outs and then some. However, between last week’s [...] … and any excuse to show the latest Iron Man 2-related AC/DC video works for me (not mention a dab o’ Scarlett cheesecake). Sadly, can’t track down an embed just yet, so just press play … and turn it up. Share on Facebook In a weird switch in priorities I’ve actually been watching more movies than listening to music over the last few weeks. So, with the co-opt blessing of Mr. JohnFNWayne, who reported a little earlier with the multitudes of movies recent fatherhood has afforded him the time to see (mostly at 3 AM), my recent, er, [...] Mr. Porvaznik is working on his own list, but in the mean time, here’s the last five from myself – in between poopy diapers, Spanish exams and the doldrums of winter sports writing. 1. Goodbye, Mr. Chips (1939): Endearing, inspiring, gut-wrenching – all within the first handful of minutes. There’s much to love – what a good [...] Alexandra Pelosi’s drab, badly-produced and hackneyed documentary about right-wing America in the wake of the 2008 election is beyond parody. The film is so needlessly simplistic, stereotypical and thoughtless only someone created in the most vapid and shallow environment, say the family of the Speaker of the House, could believe it to be taken serious. [...] While Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes is entertaining enough, smart enough and performed well with all the big-budget studio bluster at its disposal, if you felt you saw this movie before it’s because you have. Credit this to the – pardon the pun – rather “elementary” film-making styles of contemporary Hollywood. Victorian super-sleuth Sherlock Holmes, one of [...] The snow has melted, spring is in the air, along with a promise of hot and humid days inside the cold, comfortable cineplex. This year’s slate? Not exactly 1939, but bits and pieces here and there may make it enjoyable. Hopefully no “robot testicles” this year. 1. Iron Man 2: Robert Downey Jr. can do no [...] From Christian Toto, comes the new trailer for The People vs. George Lucas, another in the infinite series of Star Wars documentaries. The film analyzes the battle between Lucas and his fans over ownership of the franchise – just who does it belong to now? Is it Lucas’ to license and do with as he pleases, [...] AC/DC has just announced AC/DC: Iron Man 2, the official album set to be released April 19th through Columbia Records in support of the upcoming Iron Man 2 film from Marvel Studios. The album will feature 15 classic AC/DC songs, selected from ten of the band’s studio albums, ranging from 1976 to 2008. Included in [...] At one point in Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds, Brad Pitt (fresh from carving up a Nazi forehead) points his eyes through the camera and at the audience. To paraphrase: “This may be my masterpiece.” Whether or not this is Tarantino’s penultimate directorial moment won’t be determined for a while, at least if the director continues [...] This was posted earlier in the week at Christian Toto’s site. Early in David Zucker’s An American Carol, we’re offered the protagonist Michael Malone, professional film-maker and rabble-rouser, with his heart in the wrong place at the wrong time. Zucker, being the smart guy he is, realized a two-dimensional portrayal of Malone (a stand in for [...] Big, dumb comedies? What’s so dumb about them? I never felt laughing – or a couple hours of escaping the doldrums of the grease and dust of manual labor – was too dumb. I noticed my taste for “dumb comedy” was higher depending on how bad I had it in my current job. If I [...] Ho, ho, ho. And since I’m another year older, here’s another list. Merry Christmas, especially to our friends and co-bloggers overseas. 1. Thank You For Smoking: Maybe I didn’t get the joke, but a thoroughly libertarian take on personal behavior and societal haranguing of rights and responsibilities. Aaron Eckhart blasts off as a tobacco lobbyist, struggling [...] A mixed bag of a year, to say the least. Some gems and surprises here and there, but the big budget films stunk up the place, especially in the wake of Iron Man, The Dark Knight and Tropic Thunder. Here’s to a bright and cheerful 2010. Keep in mind, due to a hectic schedule, my movie [...] Threedonia reviewed Star Trek’s return to the big screen early in the summer. Here’s that review in honor of this week’s DVD release. Was it The Dark Knight? No, but it certainly wasn’t crap. William Shatner’s opening bombardment in his infamous Saturday Night Live skit was a proper summation of the utter geekery that is the [...]
In June, I reviewed Pixar’s latest film Up. In honor of the recent DVD release, here is that review. What a wonderful place the Pixar studio must be. Imagine a giant floating factory, with kaleidoscope walls, three or four giant helicopter propellers, and a big slide meandering from the top [...] Back in the mid-90s, video games progressed to the point where storylines could give players a cinematic experience. Turn it on, and become a buxom brunette treasure hunter alla Tomb Raider, or sneak around 1800s Japan offing badies as a ninja in Tenchu Stealth Assassins. My, how the world changed. Movies, which once hinged on [...] Somewhere, in between explosions, John Turturro is in the middle of a discussion with robot Jetfire (who happened to be the best Christmas present I ever received). Trying to get to the nuts and bolts of Michael Bay’s epic toy story Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Turturro lets this loose: Let’s not get episodic, okay, old-timer? [...] but to be honest I am afraid, afraid that it will suck…and that would be a real shame. Here’s hoping for the best. Please don’t suck! Share on Facebook Nice job, New Mexico State! Oops, sorry it was New Mexico not New Mexico State. They lost by the way. As mentioned in the comments, here are the greatest hits from that game…so to speak: Share on Facebook Inspired by Mr. Porvaznik’s comment at What Would Toto Watch – just what are the greatest stoner performances of all time? Don’t ask me, man, but here are my favorite. 1. Brad Pitt in True Romance: What movie defined the 90s? Tony Scott’s True Romance. Penned by Quentin Tarantino, the film featured goody after goody: Christian [...] |
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